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Solution to ENERGY & ILLEGAL IMMIGRATION problems:

To begin, we are confronted with a significant energy crisis; this could be directly addressed with nuclear energy. The application of the implementation of nuclear energy plants is now decades-old and benefits from having witnessed the potentials of failures and errors. (It is now a mature technology) The modern dilemma with nuclear energy revolves primarily around the DISPOSAL of the resulting NUCLEAR WASTE.

So what do we do with the waste?

The second massive crisis facing the sovereignty of the United States is an UNENDING MASSIVE INFLUX OF UNDOCUMENTED AND ILLEGAL INVADERS onto US soil and into US communities. The solution to this crisis sensibly begins with a physical, theoretical, or virtual fence of some kind (but clearly, the escalation and growth of the crisis must first be stopped). The debate over a fence primarily addresses two concerns: the cost and the effectiveness.

OK... Let's go all out with nuclear. With the resulting waste, let's make little "hot" bricks, which we stack either vertically or horizontally (or a little of both; it probably won't really matter) as a fence along the southern border. For cutesy purposes, we'll call it "the yellow brick road". (And spent fuel rods are ideally suited for bars of a fence anyway). It would be highly cost-effective as a solution for both issues. Our "open border" will now become known as an "open microwave oven", And a simple propaganda campaign explaining how this will cook one from the inside out should scare the Bejesus out of anyone who thinks life will get BETTER by sneaking into the US.

Seriously, we have to put a GREAT deal of waste somewhere! (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Radioactive_waste) Why NOT the most lawless turf of our nation?

Ahhh, I suppose we'd just end up with some sortof Tex-Mex mutant class...never mind.

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MEN - MUST READ THIS !!! (Mid-East Conflict Resolved!)

Wow -- I figured it out! It suddenly struck me! Why hadn't we thought of this before!?!

"What" you ask? Why...THE GREAT COMPROMISE!

My fellow men, what have we been thinking!? We have a strange opportunity at hand which might just slip us out of many of the Nation's messes; check this out:

Code pink and their ilk want us out of the Mideast. Fine! Cindy Sheehan, Nancy Pelosi, Rosie O'Donnell, Janine Garofalo, Susan Sarandon, etc., you're going to get what you want (oh, careful what you wish for!). Bad America is going to get out...and give up. YEP - GIVE UP!

Here's the new plan: We propose a SUMMIT with major Islamic leaders, based on some simple give and take. We relent; We adopt their "title" -- We join the Islamic Fraternity. They relent here and there; for one, by scratching out the anti-good time clauses (beer and frat parties are still to be legal). We party together! We get them drunk. Our new pals, We meet midway!

We're...Muslem-ettes...Mus-Lite...Quoran-lite...Quoran 2.1 ?

They get to see a new Muslim faith sweeping the globe. For the Muslim world - it is a great victory! For our part, we'll get alcohol tolerant Islam, reductions in global hostility, and... multiple subservient wives!

Dudes, what we get could be awesome. Let's start with four wives! She'll have to clear out of the workplace. And kiss all that sexual harassment sludge adios.

Now it must be said, more than 1 wife is not necessarily a good thing. No man wants multiple Claire Huxtables (from the Cosby show - Just for example). Even one of these condescending, 'superior', humor-broken women would make life a drag; imagine FOUR of them! But strip her of her airs of superiority, remove her from the work pool, keep her tied to the house, and add three more with even better personalities and figures - it starts to resemble a racey men's club!

Hey, let her enjoy a good thrashing at her first infidelity (or ankle exposure). She'll settle in! She'll get with the program. Hell, seeing our pop-culture's shrill harpies muzzled by a nice ancient patriarchal culture would just about make me praise Allah at that.

Oh, I suppose I wouldn't truly believe in my heart. But that's not that much different from saying "God bless America" in the same room where you have to prepare your taxes. It can be mostly symbolic; for it's the SHOW that will matter!

It MIGHT generate a second possible course of events: our Mus-Lite movement activates and inverts the previously brain dead American apologists, and they suddenly see the Islamic writing on the wall, and FREAK OUT... cool! They can get a rifle (thanks to the late great Charleston Heston and friends) and go find the Mid-East battle frontier. We can let the noisemakers REPLACE our patriotic soldiers. Again, not a bad outcome at all!

Now I know, there are you male feminists who are reading this and thinking; "but I don't want to see women threatened, I don't want to erode any equality." I will refer you to my blog piece on equality. For you see, women have never wanted equality. No more than we males have wanted a "satisfactory" paycheck. You want a KICKASS paycheck, just like everyone else. In the same way, women want advantage and superiority, just like everyone else. Equality my butt. (Ironically, you're the same guys who behave as a gentleman, and would say "women and children first" at the lifeboats of the Titanic. This male support of feminism is just a tactic you have found generally successful for getting laid, and all we men know it.) When the new rules become "NICE children first, obnoxious & violent children next, and every man and woman for themselves", I'll begin to believe in equality.

Now, devout Christians can maintain their beliefs, only now under a dual-spiritual-citizenship program. Christ won't care what you "tell people" in public, if the result is a less war-torn world. Christ loved peace.

...And George Soros and Osama bin Laden have big fat wallets; they can throw some killer parties...

And the middle-east would no longer have the West to to demonize. Being crazed lunatics, they'll return to fierce squabbling with their neighbors and with the new nuclear arsenals on the horizon, will probably do a fairly good job of annihilating each other...

And no longer being complete infidels, they'll simply have to excuse our brand of "slacker" Islam. (it isn't a slight against the faith; it is the way we do everything!)

And we will get to see gloria steinham jump off a tall building (or ride her famous bicycle straight into the ocean).

Also, as a world movement begins to adopt the new Mus-Lite lifestyle, the Muslim hardliners will probably moderate; why wouldn't they -- they can now enjoy an ice cold Heineken, or a mojito! And having now accepted alcohol into their lifestyle, the original Islamic fascists would probably become a first-rate pain-in-the-*ss down at the local pub; but they wouldn't be so damn pissed off at the planet all the time! They'd learn to live-a-little, do karaoke, and go bowling. They'll begin to pick up on phrases like, "Life's too short", and other Miller/Budweiser type slogans.

Since there'd be no meaningful competition for the spiritual conquering of the world, they'd probably develop the next obvious complex competitive pursuit: computer games! -- Grand Theft Auto, Supreme Commander! ...AND, being fairly new to the scene, they'd LIKELY go off the deep-end and become virtual addicts, with little will to do much else aside from topping their last significant score. (The next step is a modern existentialism, identified easily by the ever recurring pronunciation of "whatever"). Totally dismissible at that point!

Now, you might say that puts the bulk of our global oil supply in a dangerous volatile predicament. Good. We just anticipate this, and we offer as part of the compromise, to turnover the ruins of our US auto industry. That is, unless Ford and GM and the rest take a nice big adult step into the future. That would be good for them, good for us, and good for the USA. (They simply don't seem to have the courage to do it on their own, now do they?) ...But we kiss oil goodbye. We let our Middle Eastern oil barons go crazy on each other, and we move on. It's been said before, but, "if we can put a man on the moon..."

It would be a lesson in losing the battle, but winning the war. On a big scale -- but that's just it, we win big in the end.
So a lot of people lose in this scenario, but NOT the U.S. male. So why should we sit around taking crap internally and externally, blamed for every domestic and international ill, while struggling to get by... even while being simultaneously accused of enjoying great advantage! AND being expected to sacrifice FIRST for our great way of life? Let's pursue our OWN best interests for a time!

It's time for Nancy Pelosi to put on a kevlar vest, and earn her keep! She needs to EARN her freedom. So Nancy, the code pink members, Rosie O'Donnell and all the rest of the American apologists can celebrate the glorious victory of their team as we lose the war like they've been wanting us to; but immediately following that, they can be provided their new tent/berka, and the rest of us can enjoy not seeing their ever-indignant mugs again!

Hell, just getting Rosie O'Donnell to cover her face alone would practically make the whole endeavor worthwhile!

 

 

©2008 king david caul

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The World Hates The U.S. Because of HOLLYWOOD!

Hollywood is the chain smoker, who has quit and now drinks too much; and preaches ad nauseam about bad oral habits, while simultaneously being a total lush.

How perverse it has become; with the regular ACTOR/GLOBAL-GEOPOLITICAL-SUPERGENIUS appearances, admonishing anyone they don't think is groovy and giving the nation and world TRUE direction of REAL expertise. And the studios and directors; cranking out hyper-moralistically poised fluff-balls, pretending to judge sternly and with great merit the behavior of the world around them. Hollywood's elite are champions and heroes at the pointing out of our bad morality, bad politics, greed, and severe prejudices.

 Now folks, this is NEW Hollywood! Do NOT BEGIN to confuse this new intellectually and spiritually superior Hollywood with the one that gave us...say, reefer madness. A piece of propaganda directly linkable to the outlawing of minor drugs and the creation of laws directed at harassment of lower class minorities. And, no, not the Hollywood that enjoyed years of applied racism in its works, permitting the occasional Negro maid -- and even demanding its own supertalent Lena Horne use the back door. This is not the same Hollywood that painted "injuns" as dogs to be picked off by heroes.

No, this is the NEW Hollywood. It has new concerns:

  • The heavy-handed advocacy of "edginess" -- risks, and abuses -- a "destructive nature" has been made cool! REALLY cool!
  • The glamorization of drugs. And CASH!! AND SEX!!!!!! AND GUNS!!!!!!!!
  • The pounding of its fists with self assured anti-US sentiment. As if anything else is completely out of the question and as such madness. "The only sane conception of politics is a reasonable and intelligent anti-US stance!"
  • The dissolution of that tired old "family". Look, Beaver Cleaver and his family were SO overrated. Family is SO overrated! Some progressive exploration of ANY alternative at all, is healthy, cool, hip, and infinitely better. We have to get OVER that dopey stuff.
  • The noble rage against business. Because, PLEASE, big businesses are entities that just want to make money and as such are bad! Bad! Bad!... (and "pay no attention to that man behind the curtain"... never mind that Hollywood studios are large business entities, that just want to make money...) (And if you suffer a viewing of the movie "Twister" - I pity you. I would rather be hit by flying debris from the twister than smashed in the face with the ridiculously heavy-handed anti-corporation morality message of the film. Wow, it's JUST AWFUL).
  • Making sure the world realizes completely that Government is BAD. Government makes the Middle East HATE us. (In fact, the sin, decadence, violence, and endless perversions propagated and represented by the Hollywood film industry frightens the s**t out of people everywhere!)

Throughout the entire world Hollywood disseminates and aggressively distributes endless streams of gratuitous sex, gratuitous violence, uber-edgy behavior, drug use, and psychopathic insanity. All in the name of entertainment... but in the PURSUIT of extreme greed for wealth. The irony, arrogance, and hypocrisy are stunning.

These negative stereotypes of our population reside in the far corners of the world from their release onward, in a way that is indelible; in a manner an adversarial newspaper headline in Jakarta could never hope to achieve.

Hollywood has endlessly painted the populace and government of the United States as selfish, overindulgent, decadent, cheating, ignorant, sexually obsessed, immoral, criminally bent, and endlessly violent. Is a surprise that somewhere out there someone believes it? But these geo-political authorities in entertainer's clothing know what they're talking about - they know greed and vanity when they see it!!

Who is Hollywood to judge anyone? Anyone at all? Make all the movies you want Hollywood, but keep your political superiority to your d**n selves.

 

 

 

 

©2008 king david caul

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SCAMS! (Why we can't save any money pt. 4)

Gosh it's easy to just be a good person and go about your day with a smile, huh? You don't have to be weary, or on-guard, 'cause between our government and our places of commerce, people sure seem to want to treat each other right. Except of course for that giant segment of our nation and the world that will never stop trying to scam you out of anything you own of value that you forget to clutch and hold close.

I guess you probably should be sorta careful. Maybe some folks aren't so good-hearted.

Like...Hey, how bout that happy letter from Nigeria. Most of us have received one; that e-mail or letter explaining how with a little bit of effort someone wants to mail us a hell of a lot of money. Is that....A SCAM??! Seems like they're almost always from Nigeria. Boy, do I have a good impression of Nigeria.

Certainly the most ubiquitous "soft" scam in the United States is FINE PRINT. When the hell in our legal history or legal system did fine print become superior and fully legitimized to supersede large print? This is ridiculous! If you receive a letter from a business saying in enormous print that for $10 they will give you a sandwich, and then in micro print buried on the back it says, "unless we decide not to", or "only between 2:30 a.m. and 2:31 a.m.", or "unless you have a name" -- somehow that seems to be considered functional! In any advertisement or contract this absolutely seems to be perceived as acceptable and routine. Well, it IS routine, but it's a crock! What if you're shopping and you buy a carton of what says in great big bold letters "MILK", and then getting it home you find on the back (in tiny vertical print) it says, "may actually be urine"??? Actually, in the food industry this is somewhat legitimate to sell intentionally mislabeled food. Think for example, "cheese food". In this case, apparently the word "food" is license for meaning "not what it says it is". That's a curious interpretation of the word "food".

I don't even have the courage to try and think of all the places fine print shows up to rob us and mislead us. And let's not kid ourselves, it's meant to mislead us. That's what it's for! Just think about any monetary contract, insurance agreement, etc. The critical fine print will inevitably be ESCAPE clauses to avoid providing you with what you're paying for. SCAM! At least the solution is not that complicated. New legal ruling: really big print takes precedence over really small print in all legal judgments! Because for some reason, it seems to be the other way around right now, and that's just, well...assbackward!!?!!!

 

Hey, so, what's this new thingy; "Identity theft"? ...WHEN IS THIS FINALLY GOING TO GET TREATED LIKE THE MONSTER IT IS?!! It's by far and away the most dangerous and likely-to-escalate scam of our day. What do we have to do? I would like to ask; if some hacker is going to do go online and steal social security numbers ANYWAY (for the ultimate purpose of identity theft), please at least target the members of our Senate and House of Representatives. I can't help but think, until these very individuals are themselves targeted en masse, that they just aren't going to take the kind of action which we need right away. We have very serious penalties against kidnapping, but what is identity theft except "virtual kidnapping"? A person could EASILY spend the best part of a year or more trying to climb out of the pit created when their identity is stolen and abused. You can't get on planes, you can't get credit, you can't correct your credit, you can't get the collection agencies to leave you alone; and that's just the beginning. Anyone who has suffered serious identity theft issues could surely tell us of MANY less conspicuous but exasperatingly painful results. I just can't figure out why I should have any patience for this kind of significant and brutal theft. As far as I'm concerned, if someone steals your identity, they should be targeted by a task force as serious as any other task force, and when the perpetrator is caught they should have to become your slave for a term determined by the courts - No less than a year! If that sounds like madness, how about we just re-embrace those public stockades in the town square. We can slap these criminals into the stocks for a month and throw tomatoes at them, fart in their face, whatever. Gosh, I guess I don't sound that tolerant. Wait till it happens to you, you'll agree.

Or - just thinking aloud here; How about when someone practices identity theft against you, you get the option of going on a MAD spending spree of your own and then PERMANENTLY DUMPING this identity they wanted so bad on them! No backing out of the arrangement for them! You get a brand new squeaky-clean identity, and they have to carry the baggage of anything you've ever done that was stupid or will be stupid up until that deadline hour. Might actually make it all fun...and profitable!

Luckily for me, I had a very healthy level of paranoia and cynicism before the Internet even became a part of my life. I have yet to fall prey to a significant online scam. But, I just can't imagine how the elderly and the web neophytes can survive in this parasite infested jungle. There are just so many people who couldn't care less how unfortunate the people are they're robbing, they will steal from ANY prey, if they can find a way. God help the elderly who go online!

Phone scams are at least familiar to most, and mostly these are just old-school versions of our online scams. The really mean ones have always been the scum who pose as charities and relief-aid for the sufferers of tragedy. By abusing people's compassion, these maggots make it very hard for legitimate relief to assemble. Some phone scams aren't very easy to spot or deal with; they're buried in the insanity of your billing! Raise your hand folks if you've seen large and mysterious collect calls appearing on your phone bill. Very hard to dispute. And from what I've seen, NEVER call a number with an 809 area code. If it's true what I've read about the cost of such a call, then it's a safe bet some other entities will inevitably initiate some other numbers for such lucrative theft. Be on guard.

The postal system likes to host some fun too; how many of those postcards, notifying you of the winning of an amazing sweepstakes prize, have YOU received? Why are they usually from Florida?!

Three pointers we all should know by now:

  • If you're selling something of value, don't ever put up with someone (usually from overseas) who just LOVES the item and wants to send you a check for MORE than the value. Just cut the tie right there, don't bother trying to figure out what the deal is or if maybe it's legit - its not.
  • If anyone ever says you've WON something - there should NEVER be any reason you need to send THEM money. OK? No "fees", "administrative costs", "tax costs". Get real, you haven't won anything but the chance to be more cynical (or perhaps forgiving).
  • Just don't give out your banking, Social Security, Medicare or credit card information to ANYONE who APPROACHES YOU! (By phone, fax, or email). MAYBE someday there'll be some legitimate situation which you'll complicate your life by not responding. Fine, deal with that SUPER RARE situation then. It'd be worth it.

I'll add a few more scams I see around me. Please help the cause and let me know what I'm leaving out.

  • Overly complicated auto insurance options, etc. Designed to try to get you to pay for aspects you simply don't need and will probably never need.
  • Wildly contorted and confusing phone plans. Designed (as far as I'm concerned) to camouflage built-in features and optional services which you don't want and never intended to pay for (often added without your knowledge or consent).
  • Credit card "extras". Showing up as monthly debits you might not notice, which are to pay for crap you never asked for nor authorized. (Like "credit card protection insurance" and other such useless nonsense which reap significant profits)
  • Quack medicine. Preying on the desperate. What can you say? But it's hard; maybe some of it works for somebody. Good luck.
  • Medicinal magnets, footpads which detoxify the entire body (how is that even supposed to SOUND legitimate). Hell, I know; some of you think it works for you. Whatever. Power to ya.
  • Psychics, fortune tellers, Dionne Warwick and her psychic-hot-line friends. Include with that any 900 number for nonsense. It's pretty much all a collage of scams, if you didn't know it yet. (Again, if you are a BELIEVER, well power to ya; who am I to talk you out of it. - Oh, and I wanted to tell you, you've won a big prize!! Email me and I'll give you the arrangements!)
  • Las Vegas. Sometimes called a city, but technically a scam. "Come play our games of chance. Play too well and we'll toss you and ban you. And TIP every living thing that comes within arm's length. That's our custom here. Let's see, the TAX on your hotel room is $35 a night..."
  •  Resort Vacation Promotions - (Free or low cost exotic vacation packages) Pretty mixed bag here. Maybe you'll be alright. Have fun.
  • Chicago parking restrictions (convoluted and undecipherable, they're revenue generators - pure and simple. Probably true of many/most other cities)

Lastly, I would like to point out something which you might not have perceived as a scam: Holidays. More accurately, holidays and shopping. Holidays are my favorite, and shopping in U.S. rocks! We enjoy good prices when one learns how to shop well, and we have such fantastic choice. But, we endlessly permit ourselves to be swept up in holiday shopping enthusiasm (which has been generated not by Santa clause and a consortium of kindly well-meaning holiday icons in the happy-holiday-Parliament, but by business associations who see big money in our vulnerable enthusiasm). I mean we have birthdays, Christmas, weddings, secretary's day, Valentine's Day... do you really have a choice about those crazy high-priced roses on Valentine's Day? Our credit card debt and shopping tendencies are always painted as some sort of selfish, out-of-control indulgence. But think about it; so much of the shopping we're doing year-round IS FOR SOMEONE ELSE! We're good-natured people; we're generous, we're thoughtful. Perhaps that's our "weakness". I think we need to cut back, to scale back the relationship we've ingrained between dollars spent and "love felt". Most importantly, I just think we need to remember how big a role Christmas and weddings and the like play in our use and abuse of credit cards. At least we deserve some compassion for the root of that debt.

So bust your butt to make an honest buck, save some of what the taxman and banks leave behind, and then sleep with one eye open the rest of your life... Because somebody out there can smell that money just sitting there...

 

.

 

©2008 king david caul

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OK, You Tell Me What's "Lookin Good!"

Sorry; I have officially lost patience -- with all of it. I'm having my Howard Beal moment. I'm so sick of the cr*p... "I'm mad as hell..." blah, blah, blah.

I have officially lost the ability to swallow the presidential candidates, the pontificators, the proponents, the parties themselves, the government were electing them to, American idol, advertising...You name it.

And on the news every night - I mean, boo-hoo-hoo, Americans are crying because gas is expensive, and it might get worse. Might?! Wake up. Our national premise has become structured on a recurring inexpensive energy commodity largely from abroad. And wait a minute! Other global regions are in growth stages? Numerous regions? Significant growth? And it's impacting us?! When did anyone tell us THAT might happen? Holy S**T, our nation is sleepwalking in a fantasy of desperate delusions.

And our "representatives" continue to promise to INFORM us of what we really need and want. NO ONE promises to listen, they ALL promise to DISCERN our needs more astutely than their competitor. And as we all know, once they arrive in their office, these "representatives" will dive into the cesspool of pork earmarks, tax-and-spend, shortsighted gains, pandering, partisan insanity, and D.C. branded socio-stupidity. It has been decades since anyone had the courage to challenge us, nor have we had the courage to be challenged. Of course it's our own fault, too; when will we vote smart and not popular? I'd say God help us, but it isn't necessary; the other ends of the earth are going to pound us into sanity. And we'll be lucky if we aren't struggling with our new national language of Spanish as we try to compete in a global economics where we are the most delusional and crippled. I guess that doesn't sound promising? Sorry, but the level of competition in the market places and competition for resources in our world of today is no joke.

I hate myself when I get to this stage -- because complaining is insufficient. So what's our course of action? I keep wrestling with some vision where tomorrow we somehow learn to vote more directly in our course of action as a nation and as states. We disinvest in DC and "representatives", and accomplish something like Neilson- rating referendums, or the ability to phone in and vote for our favorite American idol styled politics. Hell, our elections are by and large POLL DRIVEN; except the polls come from wherever and have an accuracy or legitimacy of...WHO KNOWS! I want to vote on referendums and legislation MYSELF. Directly. From my home! Our elected officials can earn their salaries by simply becoming salesmen who package the offerings and trying to convince me how I should vote. But then I vote! Not them. I don't want to HOPE that they'll feel the generosity to try and come to some distant conclusion about what I think this country needs, about what ANY of us think this country needs. We've become technological marvels; It's time to move into the future as a nation. No taxation without representation 2008! Sure, there's going to be an enormous task defeating the potential for fraud in such a system. I'm not sure that its necessarily much harder than defeating the potential for fraud in a system where I don't even need an ID to vote. I need my ID to buy cigarettes or a Budweiser, but not to vote. No there's no potential for fraud there. And then I vote and, WHAM, I'm done; I'm out of the picture and some career politition sells our country down the toilet for a kickback and an earmark. That's not fraud?!

And I fully appreciate how twisted and ridiculous much of the voting could be, when left to the frequently idiotic and selfish individuals of our nation; but if things are going to suck with a bleak disillusioned prospect for tomorrow -- it might as well be the citizens who are actually and directly responsible for the damage firsthand! I just can't believe we spend THIS much money and THIS much energy going through a process to get the "least damaging", tepid, distanced and disconnected leadership (thwarted and constrained by massive partisan selfishness). We have a population who are endlessly informed of their best interests as opposed to enjoying having anyone ever actually asking us! How obvious is this?! Oh the lobbyists have a great deal of influence, but need I point out, there is no formal lobbyist for the citizen of this nation. Great!

So anyway, gas has shot up. It's going to cost as a lot more for a lot of what we do and what we consume. And hell, we deserve it. And guess what? It's going to get worse. And anyone who didn't see it coming has been hypnotized. Sweet SUV, Ms. & Mr. Yuptoid. Very trendy shade of kiss-your-future-goodbye-silver. Don't worry though, you can just use this new breed of mercury containing light-bulb, or give Al Gore an Oscar - that'll undue the damages. Very hip. Myself, I want to keep sleeping, but somewhere some a**hole woke me up. So I'm wide awake now, and not liking the clouds on the horizon, NOR OVERHEAD. Things look screwed, and even American Idol's final episodes are sucking. Have another drink Paula.

Never mind that we can't do anything without global condemnation. If we are passive, were condemned for not taking the responsibilities of the world's issues on our shoulders. If we do take action on a global sphere, we are soundly condemned internally and externally by most of the world as unilateral, self-absorbed cowboys acting in only our own interests and exercising demonic imperialism. Jeez, we're GIVING away our own sovereign soil to border violators whilst simultaneously being accused of worldwide imperialism. And just for the record, it isn't our leadership that has the world despising us; it's Hollywood! It's been Hollywood!

Hollywood has endlessly painted the populace and government of the United States as selfish, overindulgent, decadent, cheating, ignorant, sexually obsessed, immoral, criminally bent, and endlessly violent. And then, Hollywood has the gall to get political and criticize our national leadership for pissing off the world. What amazing hypocrisy. These movies and television shows of the past 30 years are distributed aggressively throughout the world, promoting these negative stereotypes of our population in a way that is indelible; in a manner a newspaper headline in Jakarta could never hope to achieve. Truth takes a distant backseat to the gigantic and sly propaganda of the Hollywood machine.

And how about this uber-trendy, mantra-of-the-day-refrain, "...The work no Americans wants to do". That is a tidy way of describing a job market where employers would prefer not to pay well. On the opposite side of this quandary, we have the unambitious US worker, who in another country might be glad to have the job; but here are instead oriented toward riding and scamming the social programs -- cheating the system. Or turning to crime - because crime pays here; who are we kidding. How much money did Eliot Spitzer's whore make in one weekend? Help me out, I lost track. Of course, how many times have we heard, "the jails are filled...blah blah blah". Give me a break. The STREETS are filled with criminals. The jails are where practitioners of crime need to go. There's no way around it.

And you bet I'm proposing harder prisons. I also strongly recommend public hangings for elected officials unequivocally caught in corruption against the best interests of their constituencies. Death penalty. I'm not kidding. If you can't stand the heat, Senator, don't go in the kitchen. It would help a lot. And we need help bad.

I hope I feel better soon. It sucks to think our country is going down the crapper.

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We Need Banks and Credit... Unfortunately! (Why we can't save any money pt. 3)

I think we have a monetary "Lord of the Flies" scenario in our present banking institutions.  In a fiscal jungle seemingly absent of authority or law, there are a few banking institutions which appear to seek reasonable and ethical working relationships with their customers. But another more energized group has splintered, painted their faces with blood, and are dancing half naked around their fire in a savage, barbaric celebration of their powers in this free-for-all.  And as the author of the classic tale showed us, the "might means right" bad boys are destined to acquire the most valuable commodities, and as such will gain the defecting members of the honest and civil community, until savagery rules. It is a dark scenario.

Believe me; I never expected to make an analogy between Lord of the flies and modern banking.  But while many banks seem to trying to function in a civilized way, a huge segment of the banking industry seems to be turning savage and seeking the thrill of the hunt in pursuit of any profits it can collect, no matter how it will play out in the long term.

Obviously, nobody needs to be told today that a lot of lending and mortgage practices have been shady, risky, deceptive, questionably creative, etc. to the extent that we now see chaos in this realm.  Maybe this mess kind of gets rinsed away... or maybe it just suddenly fully implodes like a Los Angeles highway sinkhole, triggering lingering global banking disaster.  I'm sure I don't know. But as we've already witnessed, the taxpayer can often be relied on to cleanup the mess.  Anybody need a used interest-only loan?

Examing banks further; the fees we’re paying for accounts have nearly tripled in the past decade. Beyond the familiar maintenance fees and minimum balance fees, a NSF (nonsufficient funds) charge has reached $45, and bounced check fees now average $30.  ATM fees can be massive, and can be incurred from your own bank AND the ATM's host bank.  Some ATM arrangements may charge you as much as a $10 fee for using an ATM more than three times a month. Fees for check "stop payment” are typically $25, and returned-deposit fees of up to $10 might accompany the many resulting bounced-check fees.  We have seen the institution of fees to talk to bank tellers face-to-face.  Cashier's checks and money orders can now cost $10.  Payments by phone and copies of old checks can now incur significant fees. You may also see fees with some banks for the privilege of enjoying online banking services. And while you will probably be able to select a rush payment option for Bill paying, it can come at a price from $5-$15. Paying for retail purchases with a PIN card may incur additional fees.  Customers may be charged a $6 monthly fee for not having direct deposit. Wow. Be glad too, because there appears to be no cap for these fees, so maybe we should consider them low.

In addition to your significant overdraft fee (should you accidentally top your balance), you could see a cascade of these charges where you did not expect it.  That's because banks are allowed to change the order in which the checks clear.  Read that sentence again, if you didn't fully absorb it.  This could cause you to bounce numerous checks as opposed to one, in certain routine situations.

How about Credit cards?  Credit cards are so Lord of the flies.  I mean, there's so much savage antisocial behavior going on its mind-boggling.  It doesn't seem that some banks even CARE if waves of population pledge with their entire being to never do business with them again.  And some credit card practices of late seem designed to force their borrowers into default!  It's madness, right?

At this point, we ALL know ALL too well the dangers and the joys.  I'm going to skip any hypocritical lecture I might feel obliged to make about only spending what you earn;  I've toyed with credit way too much to pretend I'm clever with it.  For what it's worth, I escaped my Card debts and ain't never going back.  Not cause I'm so much wiser, but because credit cards are so much more EVIL than ever before. 

The really fascinating credit card aspect is the contract you have with your banking institution.  What the #$%&* ...Is there a single contractual relationship anywhere else in modern society where a contract means one-party must follow a lengthy explicit set of rules, and the other party retains the privilege of doing whatever they want, whenever they want, for whatever reason they feel.  This is fascinating in the most Jerry Springer-grotesque legal freak show sort of way.  It turns my stomach, and makes me want to gather the townspeople with torches and storm the banks in rage.  How in God's name is this legal?  Are we really this backward, in the 21st-century?  And let's not mince words, these multipage, super fine print, legalese documents which are our contracts in these lending arrangements, do tell with great precision the limitations of our rights as the borrowers.  But in no uncertain terms, buried deep within the sleep-inducing rhetoric, is the description that the bank/lender retains complete privilege to change the terms at any time; and to change our rates for whatever purpose suits them.  From what I've seen, I believe most of these contracts also bind us to arbitration, so that we are contractually foregoing our rights to ordinary, legitimate legal recourse should there be disputes.  And man, oh man, are there disputes.

(www.consumeraffairs.com/credit_cards/capitol_one.htm
http://www.epinions.com/msg/sec_~forums/show_~threads/cat_id_~24/id_~7481/forum_id_~160/pp_~1#posts)

Most of the disputes arise from abusive application of jaw-dropping penalties and fees, or the bank's precious caprice "Universal default". Many have already encountered the concept; the banks can, will, and are frequently jacking your annual percentage rate through the roof  (one card cited at 35%!), for no reason whatsoever.  By contract, they have retained this right.  They argue they do so for legitimate reasons.  For example, if your credit report has gone bad.  But, they don't mind doing it because...you are late paying your electric bill or mortgage, take out an auto loan, have an error in your credit report, are deemed to have too much overall debt, have too much available credit, or even make an inquiry related to a car loan or mortgage. Bank of America has gone further and is apparently also using an “internal criteria" that isn't even available to consumers for examination or understanding. And when you are subjected to a newly skyrocketed rate, the penalty you suffer applies not only to future charges but to all balances of your past charges. This is effectively a RETROACTIVE repricing!

And "fixed rates" aren't fixed. It simply means that they have to give you 15 days' notice before raising your rate. Better than no notification at all (variable rate), I guess. And it’s not our imagination that Grace Periods are shrinking. The average grace period now is about 21 days, some 20 (compared with nearly 30 days in 1990). And for any grace period to be "interest-free" the bill must be paid in full. If you pay 99% of the bill on time, you will still be charged interest on 100 percent.

How about that late fee? They've hit $39 mark, and they will be applied if your payment didn't arrive by a certain time on the due date. Late payments also typically trigger that 29.99% new APR. While online banking should help many avoid late fees, Providian and First USA stopped permitting payment by paypal. Other banks have been slow to shed FEES for online payments.  And it's quite perplexing that it takes so many days for some banks to process an online payment.  Apparently these companies aren't very familiar with these newfangled computery gadgets, and we’re going to have to give them time to get efficient with them.

Federal law requires that credit card issuers mail you your statement at least two weeks before the due date, but the mail isn't necessarily consistent and it is hard to know why the statement sometimes arrives with much less room for successful due-date achievement. You might try committing to memory the due dates of these bills, such that you anticipate them successfully! That is being taken into account, and consequently your issuer might suddenly shift your due date forward five days or so!  Do not turn your back on these people.

Card issuers are being discovered to resort to extremely unethical tactics to push you over the limit, and as such incur over limit fees (also hitting the $39 mark).
You might receive a balance transfer offer in the mail.  The terms are good and you mail it in with the request of transferring a large balance.  It is quite possible (if not likely) to receive a card with a much lower credit limit.  This will leave your new card practically maxed out from the moment you receive it.  It is almost inevitable that you will go over limit, and once again invite the application the over limit fee and of a new 29% annual percentage rate. Complaints are high concerning very low limit credit cards; these typically carry significant fees before any charges are even incurred ($59 annual membership fees).  Perhaps you will receive a card with the high credit limit you expected, but quite commonly the annual percentage rate will not be as good as advertised.  This is apparently due to some reevaluation and reexamination of your risk, as explained in some fine print.  In most business practices, this would be called "bait and switch".  There are accusations that you might be charged interest on a balance transfer well before the actual transfer takes place, effectively paying interest to both card issuers simultaneously for a term. Discover card has been accused of offering gorgeous balance transfer rates, but then requiring a minimum $25 purchase per month or you forfeit the rate.  These new purchases have a much higher rate and will be paid off last, of course.

Also, though you may be promised a "low rate for life" on your balance transfer, any new charges will not be at this low rate, and will be paid off last.  Balance transfer offers promising low rates often expire after six months as explained in the fine print. The maximum charge for making a balance transfer is being eliminated by some issuers; this could mean enormous fees for a large balance.  Lastly, look closely for fine print explaining that your low balance transfer rate will be void if you retransfer a balance within a year's term.  And of course, don't take it too seriously when you receive those familiar “pre-approved 0%” applications.

 Using cash advance options is very costly.  These charges now average 3% with a $10 minimum and NO maximum whatsoever.  They come with no grace period and the especially high cash advance interest rate applies immediately.  Your ability to pay this off is intentionally handicapped by applying any payments you make to your lower interest balance before they will be applied to your cash advance balance.  The convenience checks we receive will not necessarily be very convenient either, when you have to pay for them.  It is critical to examine the terms for these checks.  Often they are at the cash advance rate with full handling fee.

Some rather interesting new penalty fees have appeared.  Punitive higher rates have shown up for those who pay only the minimum every month.  You can also even be penalized for NOT using your card.  Some customers are being charged an annual fee because of their habit of paying their bill off every month.  You may find that there are transaction fees for calling the issuer's toll-free number.  Paying by phone can cost you a fee of $5-$15.  Especially unscrupulous card issuers have been discovered to generate a card cancellation fee ($25 in the case of Advanta bank).

A very dicey subject is the "TWO CYCLE DAILY AVERAGE" method employed quite frequently to calculate your monthly interest obligation.  This is a rather sneaky and complicated practice.  It primarily stings people who occasionally carry a balance over a few months.  Simplified, this method uses the average daily balance but calculated over two billing cycles instead of one.  If you carry a balance, it eliminates the benefit of the grace period and charges you retroactive interest on your purchase.  It may sound worse than it ends up being, but it can be gouging you with a misleading effective annual percentage rate, depending on how you’re paying your bill.  It can become particularly annoying when you're trying to pay off your last few dollars of debt and close your card.  You pay your entire bill; surprise new balance.  It just isn't ethical, whether it's harming you're not.

At one time, using a credit card overseas was a smart move monetarily.  Today, there is typically a 3% transaction fee, in addition to conversion fees.  This 3% fee can be incurred even if the transaction is conducted in US dollars.

Some more ugly new trickery is showing up from credit card issuers.  Some consumers are being offered a cash advance check or an opportunity to skip a month’s payment, and in a disgusting coincidence, they find their credit limit has lowered.  This puts them over the limit, with the subsequent fees and probably the arrival of a new annual percentage rate. Also, there has been a pattern of card issuers frequently changing the address to which payment must be made.  If you're not paying careful attention, you could easily overlook the change and inadvertently mail the bill to an outdated address, making your payment late, with all the fun that comes next.

Customer service over the phone can be a game of endurance.  It might also be an exercise in global linguistics and thick accents. If you have a dispute concerning your bill, you will likely be paying interest on the balance and the penalty fees even while the dispute is being investigated.  Waiting for the results of an investigation can be infuriating as you find new penalty fees resulting from your not taking action on the amounts in dispute.

Those with poor credit ratings can be the prey of very bad deals, resulting in a $300 limit credit card at high rates, with bizarre fee-based charges occurring before the card is even used for the first time ("Program Fee" and "Account Set-Up Fee", for example).
Credit cards associated with specific retailers (RewardZone MasterCard from Best Buy, issued by HSBC for example) have been found to charge a fee of 50% for a requested raising of a consumer’s credit limit!

“Credit Insurance” is a scam is used almost universally by the big credit card companies.  Nobody of any financial intellect will likely recommend this coverage.  Amazingly, this will not stop card issuers from signing you up automatically and charging you monthly.  You should practically expect it.  Similarly, the “disability insurance” is notoriously unlikely to help anyone who might actually need it.  There are cases of customers being charged for disability insurance coverage, even though they were never eligible to receive it in the first-place, and could never receive any payout.  Another form of insurance is “Theft insurance”.  This is unecessary if not insincere, as by law you are liable only for the first $50 at most, should your card be stolen and you report in a timely manner.

Finally, banks today have been guilty of seeking out people who recently emerged from bankruptcy.  They know that you will not be able to declare bankruptcy again in the near future, and the new bankruptcy laws lobbied through Congress now make bankruptcy difficult and costly.
You may notice so many credit cards are originating from Delaware or South Dakota.  These states offer laws favorable to these abuses and permit interest rates and fees that would be illegal elsewhere.  If you are abused by your credit card, perhaps we should boycott these states?

We're all so out of control, right? Well, you used to hear ALL THE TIME about how important it was to establish credit. Credit cards became a mandatory exercise in getting a credit rating underway. Who required us to have these cards? Banks. Nice arrangement.
We could not use credit cards at all perhaps, but good luck, and try paying for something online without one. And at this point, even if you pay off balances every month, you might get penalized for that.

 

 

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©2008 king david caul

 

 

 


 

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Q: is George W. Bush a Dim-witted Moron, or the World's Most Diabolical Evil Genius?

There have been so many passionate assertions throughout the nation as to the character and activities of our sitting president -- but there is a WIDE gap between the two common themes!

A) He’s an EVIL GENIUS:

  • Some argue he masterminded the entire giant 9/11 conspiracy;  Orchestrating the entering of these buildings with explosives, and sneakily placing them in strategic places throughout their structure.  Simultaneously, apparently, he managed to get some airplanes flown in the buildings to disguise the results of the explosives.
  • It is argued that for some contortion of logic, he orchestrated the planting off explosives in the Pentagon, and disguised this with a fictitious legend of a plane crash, or something like that.
  • He orchestrated an external war in Iraq, so that he could seize vast oil reserves and hoard them with his buddies for countless profits (which is taking place now?).
  • Even before holding any powerful national office, he orchestrated the stealing of the Presidential election from a former Vice President, and coerced lifetime-tenured Supreme Court judges to succumb to his will.
  • He apparently orchestrated a team of brilliant scientific minds to develope AIDS, and once attained, began a sinister infusion into the black community.
  • In an unparalleled manipulation of weather, he orchestrated specific hurricane activity to target minority neighborhoods, while apparently using local leadership from the opposition party to defeat any efforts to preemptively evacuate these communities.

These events (and any others I overlook) carried out with such precision and mastery that there are no indisputable firsthand witnesses, no inescapably conclusive "smoking guns", no verifiable leaks, and no turncoats or traitors within the conspiracies....Dia-BOLICAL!!!


... or...

B) He’s an IDIOT:

Is he the vocabulary challenged, dynastically-anointed half-wit successor; who can't correctly perceive his lunch menu, much less world affairs?

 


Nobody can have it both ways; truly, if you buy into one camp, you can't enjoy the slogans of the other!

 

Unsporting alternate choices lacking inflammatory value:
C)  Often misguided, rather average, well-intentioned man who has fortitude but lacks the vision and brilliance our nation could well have used as an introduction to the 21st century.
D) Best thing that ever happenned to us all.
E) I Can’t make choices about breakfast cereals, much less presidents.
F) I don’t understand the question.
G) YOU don’t understand the question!

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TAXES impact us from every direction (Why we can't save any money pt. 2)

You're taxed when you earn your money. You're taxed when you enjoy your earnings. You're taxed when you invest your earnings. You're taxed when you own or attempt to own property. You're taxed when you purchase mandatory licenses. You're taxed when you pay for necessary utilities. You're taxed when you die.

And our Tax codes are FUN, aren't they? To be prosecuted or fined for not following tax laws that are too complex for common men to comprehend is fascinating. Send me to jail for breaking laws that are effectively designed for me not to be able to understand?

I don't think it's uncommon; many of us make a decent wage, and we live a modest lifestyle, but we fall into debt sooner than we rise into wealth. So what's the problem? Perhaps we suffer a delusion concerning what we make and what our dollars can purchase. Well, we're supposed to. Many of our taxes are well hidden. Many are truly supposed to be. After a genuine evaluation of our tax burdens, our purchases simply do not cost what we think they cost - and we don't earn what we think we earn.

I invite and request responses which correct or support any examples I assert, or otherwise set me straight!

Let's begin with some painfully obvious taxes:

  • Federal income tax (lots of variables, maybe zero, probably about 15%, maybe 28%+)
  • Social Security/payroll tax. (For most 7.65% on earnings. Self-employed pay 14.1 %. Employers match the individual rate; with decreased wages likely compensating)
  • State income tax (range from zero in 9 states to above 8% in 7 states)
  • Local income taxes (there are a few, from zero to 2.75%)
  • Corporate tax (Qualified personal services corporations at flat rate of 35%)

Then, there are some more unavoidable taxes:

  • Utilities. (water, gas, electricity, and ESPECIALLY telecommunications have significant taxation attached. Telephone federal excise tax, universal service fee tax, surcharge taxes. Telephone minimum usage surcharge tax, recurring and non-recurring charges tax, usage charge tax. Telephone state and local tax , and surcharge taxes - Can really add up)
  • Transportation (Auto sales tax, locality permits, Vehicle License Registration Tax, hidden excise taxes, Road Toll Booth Taxes , Toll Bridge Taxes , Toll Tunnel Taxes, public transportation surcharges)
  • Petrol - Gasoline Tax (Washington has the highest gas tax 36 cents / gallon. Federal gas tax was 18.4 cents per gallon)
  • Groceries. (state sales taxes, some pay little, some not so little)
  • Living in a home (property taxes; And they don't go away - They don't stop)
  • Death tax (The last laugh!)

And the routine and unrelenting SALES TAX (with a wide range; generally 4-8%, 5 states relieving citizens of the burden. Up to 10.25% in Cook Co, IL, 11.5% in Nevada). Gets us everyday in minor or major ways:

  • clothes
  • computers
  • Liquor Tax
  • cigarettes
  • indulgences
  • day-to-day needs, etc

Documentation/Permission taxes - licenses & permits taxes:

  • building permit
  • Dog License
  • Fishing License
  • hunting License
  • Trailer Registration
  • Watercraft Registration
  • Marriage License
  • Food License
  • Septic Permit
  • Well Permit
  • CDL license
  • Fuel permit
  • Corporation License
  • Amusements License
  • Alcoholic beverages manufacturer/sale License

Yet MORE additional taxes that might not come up, but we may well encounter them;

  • Hotel stay (up to 17%!)
  • Car Rental Taxes (average 8.24%)
  • Airline Ticket Taxes (8+% with additional flat fees per domestic segment and often a significant per person passenger facility charge )
  • Gift tax (begins at 18% and rise to 50%)
  • windfall gains ( lottery etc)
  • personal property tax (targeting cars, boats, aircraft, artwork, etc)
  • Recreational Vehicle Tax
  • sports
  • entertainment
  • mortgage
  • investments
  • Capital Gains / dividend
  • social security income ( if above total income thresholds of $25000 single or $32000 joint filing)
  • Inheritance
  • Federal excise taxes (motor fuels, tires, telephone usage, tobacco products, and alcoholic beverages, firearms, shells & cartridges)
  • Insurance Premium Taxes
  • IRS Penalties (tax on top of tax)
  • Luxury Taxes
  • Service Charge Taxes
  • School Tax
  • Vaccination Taxes

Some INDIRECT and/or HIDDEN taxes:

  • Lost interest on mandatory preemptive seizure of projected income tax obligation (if you pay income taxes, this likely includes you)
  • Shipping of the goods we use and buy.
  • property taxes on factory and warehousing
  • Workers Compensation Tax
  • Federal Unemployment Tax (FUTA)
  • Road Usage Taxes (Truckers)
  • yield taxes on timber cutting, etc
  • Severance Taxes on natural resources (from oil and gas to turpentine and timber)
  • import taxes (from garments to bicycles to strawberries)
  • Accounts Receivable Tax
  • State Unemployment Tax (SUTA)
  • Inventory tax IRS Interest Charges

It would be awfully hard to put a total amount or percentage to our taxation relative to our income. It is of course dependent on in which state you live, and the types of choices you make, the size of your household, etc... But it is safe to say, an enormous portion of our reward for hard work goes to taxation. Perhaps this would be satisfactory if we felt that we received excellent services in return; this would be rather debatable I suspect.

Help me out, I need assistance discovering and uncovering (or remembering) the taxes we enjoy. Point out the privileges I'm forgetting, please.

 

©2008 king david caul

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TIPPING IS A CROCK (Why We Can’t Save Any Money pt. 1)

At its core, Tipping is a long-term, evolving trend; which changes over time, culture, and location.

In the U.S., the trend has grown into a Frankenstein's monster. Worse than the discovery that the monster has the brain of a deranged thief,  we find the monster has escaped and is violently running amuck through our village. This trend of late is the ubiquitous tip sign: EVERYONE wants a tip now!

And now that the desire to receive tips (note that I did not say "earn" tips) has spread to everyone who can imagine the possibility, we approach a state of gratuity anarchy.  And the mentality surrounding tips has evolved; it’s not a sign of appreciation for good or exceptional service, it is an expectation.  Tipping well is something you are all but required to do.  I am even seeing arguments suggesting a standard 15% tip for bad service.  Apparently, recent economic uncertainty and trouble has already affected negatively the habits of tipping.  Probably...but it might also have something to do with the fact that people are getting completely fed up with the never-ending open palm phenomenon.

Culturally we've moved from debating whether tipping is a good idea or not, to the question of is 15% adequate, and should it be perhaps heading towards 25/30%. Why was tipping 10% appropriate at the beginning of the 20th century, but today only 20% is considered a complement? (Since the late 1970s, the going rate has been 15%)  The answer is; when you feed the monster, it continues to grow.

The  base standard of our new cultural etiquette demands:  if I touch something of yours, you should tip me (which I guess translates to: if you don't want me ruining and breaking your stuff, that costs extra.  I get paid for going through the motions, but refraining from ruining your stuff - that cost more). If someone touches your coffee, tip them.  If someone touches your luggage, tip them. If someone touches your food, your clothes, your hair, your skin, your nails, tip them.  If someone touches the door before you can, tip them! Deliver the paper, hand you a beer, write down an order - tip them!  Someone speaks to you?  Smiles?  Tip them!

 

So, the key, obviously; don't let people touch your things. The moment you own something - don’t let people touch it.  It creates a license for you to owe them money.

 

Tipping appears to have its origins in 16th-century England, and spread throughout European areas that had a servant class. This is somewhat ironic, as Europe has moved away from tipping and America has embraced it ridiculously. Early U.S. tipping practices were not well-intentioned! "Far from being perceived as a way of increasing the pay of service workers...was frequently seen as an employer strategy for exploiting workers, particularly black workers...When the Pullman porters organized into the Brotherhood of Sleeping Car Porters in 1925, one of the first things they did was to petition the Interstate Commerce Commission for an order prohibiting tips. " ¹¹

And tipping was not particularly welcome here, either; "The New York Times (1899, p. 6) claimed that the tipping practice is a wretched system … every tip saves the payment of wages to an equal amount… This throws a flood of light on the frequent assertions that the abolition of the tipping system is impossible. "¹ "The Washington Post denounced tipping as 'one of the most insidious and one of the most malignant evils' of modern life. Tipping was seen to foster a lord-and-vassal relationship that the prouder professions resisted. Well into the 1910s many bartenders refused gratuities as an insult to their status."²  "Gunton’s Magazine (1896, p. 16-17) called tipping offensively un-American, because it was contrary to the spirit of American life of working for wages rather than fawning for favors. It also stated that tipping did not favor the tip-receivers because their wages were reduced as a result of tipping"¹ And  there existed an Anti-Tipping Society of America, who from 1905 to 1919 succeeded in having the custom abolished in seven states; alas, it did not survive.

 

So… let's go out to dinner:  Our meal probably begins with some valet parking.  Once you walk-in (if you didn't have to tip some maitre'd handsomely for a table, and if you don't encounter another new trend requiring an entire party to be present before being seated), then you see in your menu the expense of your entrées and your drink, desserts and appetizers perhaps.  If you like wine with your meal, then be glad we're all rich, as the prices certainly have soared. You might notice another new trend which is showing up; a significant split fee.  Isn't that fun?  Add eight dollars to your plate, because you aren't going to eat it the way they want you to.  So, you begin to eat your meal, and taking a pause, you discover that many restaurants today are quite comfortable hustling you along; many hands will attempt to seize your plates if you stop working at them for even a moment  (Another lovely trend, but a bit off point). So then you get your bill, adding of course some delicious taxation.  Now comes your chance to be a good American and support this poor struggling institution of dining.  The modern world and our  nation's economy depend on you doing your part to embellish the wages of those who otherwise simply could not be paid -- and it simply isn't fair to let these wards of the populace do just all right, they must thrive.  And you must make it happen.  So think 20%.

 

Yes 20%... I know, it used to be 15% (and before that 10%) but this is adjusting for inflation you see.  Never mind that the cost of the meal is already adjusted for inflation, and therefore 15% of the adjusted price actually results in identical relative wage to the earlier eras; it is a matter of treating the nation's waiters in a manner that, well...boosts their self-esteem.  Yes that's your responsibility.

 

One thing that cracked me up is going on the web forums which you can find about tipping, and reading all the entries from restaurant wait staff moaning about how excruciatingly hard they work.  I can't tell you how many posts I've seen where a restaurant server has declared their job one of the most dangerous, stressful and difficult jobs there is.  That takes quite an imagination.  And don't tell me I don't know, years ago I waited tables in some seven different establishments.  Right, it has tuff moments - Unlike everyone else, who show up for work whenever, then put their feet up on the desk and eat cupcakes for a few hours before going home exhausted from telling jokes all day...It really isn't fair that waiters have to actually work.

 

Obviously, the job itself should pay a real wage!  Just what does minimum-wage mean anyway, if select service industries can make this peculiar arrangement?

 

OK, so anyone who wasn't around for the Civil War is probably accustomed to restaurant tipping.  Maybe that's not even the the real problem... maybe the problem is the list of everyone else we must now consider for tips in order to consider ourselves socially just and correct.  At the bottom of my rant is a list of the itchy palmers I can think of;  Please add to it if you notice omissions.

 

What are the arguments for tipping?

The gold standard of tipping arguments is that it directly relates to the quality of service provided.  No it doesn't.  That's nonsense. I spent the last year in Singapore, where tipping is flat-out discouraged (and you can't imagine how wonderful it is to be relieved of the unrelenting assault on your wallet and your guilt).  The service in Singapore is fundamentally no better nor no worse than in the United States.  Indistinguishable.  People do a good job because it's their job.  They care or they don't; and they lose their job or keep their job accordingly. If employers had to pay real wages would they put up with crappy staff? No, they wouldn't tolerate it. Wait staff would have to perform and keep clientele happy or find the door, just like in most any other employment situation. And restaurants that pride themselves on superior service would have to pay staff better to retain better servers, just like in any other employment situation. In addition, the two significant studies cited elsewhere show little relationship between quality of service and size of tip.  So it becomes increasingly meaningless with regard to expectations of good service.

"The argument that tipping is efficient is based on the assumption that customers tip according to service quality, whereas in reality there is only a weak correlation between service-quality and tip size. By far the most important factor that determines tip size is the size of the bill and there is no reason to think that the size of the bill is correlated with service quality...Moreover, most restaurants practice tip-pooling; that is, tips do not go directly to the staff who provided the service, but instead are aggregated and then distributed to all servers according to some formula. ... Tip-pooling reduces the incentive to provide good service that tipping allegedly provides, because each waiter has an incentive to free ride on the other's efforts by exerting less effort in providing good service as his or her tips will only be marginally affected" ³

And when service charges are included (as with a party of six or more), this logic and argument would suggest a complete collapse in the service you would receive.  Most of us know, that is just not the case.

Analysis has further concluded what is intuitive; that institutionalized tipping caused wages to decline!  (Usually this is an unacceptable trend to most.)  As these wages have become settled at a ridiculous low-end figure, the receivers of these wages complain of their financial disadvantage.  It hardly needs to be pointed out for the millionth time that they could pursue another job.  Of course for some that's a possibility and for some it’s a difficulty.  So moving past that, let me just ask how the struggling individuals expect to live in a society where they themselves will have to grease the palms of everyone else they encounter throughout their day?  Are you making great money or are you going broke, which is it?  If you're broke, then how do you expect to function in a society that expects the generous tip at every encounter?  Live by the sword, die by the sword.

While living in Chicago I did my best for years to tip generously.  I desperately wanted to be a welcome face in the establishments of my neighborhood.  Sadly, after years of eating out in the downtown Chicago scene, I don't know if I ever felt like my earnest attempts at generous tipping was ever remembered or even noticed  (aside from places where I was most definitely a regular).  Once everyone is expected to leave a minimum of 15%+ on every occasion, leaving a nice tip of 18 to 20% does not make you a hero to anyone. You are easily forgotten.  You're just another member of the congregation who relinquished  their tithe to alter of the service providers.  I'm afraid to say, generally you're only going to be remembered if you return with consistent regularity or you leave a bad tip (and no doubt, this will never be forgotten).

 

There is the argument that people should tip well because this is the way these people make a living.  But this is not a sufficient argument in and of itself; It is an explanation of the mentality, but not a good justification of the practise. What if another individual makes his living by avoiding all unnecessary expenses, like gratuities?  Each individual must take responsibility for finding a job that pays them directly and consistently in a manner they can live with.  It is nobody else's responsibility to compensate for the fuzziness or inadequacies of a contract between employee and employer.

 

And in this way, tipping can promote an antagonistic relationship  between the customer and the server;  why must the customer provide the restaurant’s employees an incentive to perform? The customer can discover a sense of resentment, being expected to accept the responsibility for paying the wage of someone who simply did their job.  This includes every instance where service was simply functional, lacking any flair or special attention.  It is a nuisance to regularly suffer the game-playing, mathematical test, and guilt resolution as an end to every meal.

 

And tipping is a very clumsy to comment on the overall dining experience; as this built-in method of evaluation ultimately affects only the server.  But what if the atmosphere and the food sucked?  You don't get to express your dissatisfaction with your tip!  And how are we supposed to reward good, exceptional, service if everyone is given a tip at every interaction? Then it’s not a reward, but an expectation; and thus there is no significant positive reinforcement when someone does something really special. Tips are not supposed to be an entitlement, they are supposed to be a gratuity. By virtue of the fact that is absolutely expected, it becomes essentially a publicly mandated subsidy, primarily benefiting the business owner at the expense of their employees.  And the employees will further lose less conspicuous benefits which ordinarily accompany a job in the US; Social Security benefits properly correlating to the actual time invested in your job, health care benefits, vacation days, etc..

 

Tipping researchers "Ayres et al. and Michael Lynn...showed that tipping may facilitate prejudice... tipping facilitates significant tax evasion. " ³

 

"The bottom line is if you don't want to pay a gratuity for a service performed for you, don't use the service. " Is an actual quote from louseytipper.com. It is ironic, as this same individual was complaining that the government is grabbing 8% of wage. The IRS is grabbing twice that from rest of us.  This hypocritical argument "if you don't want to pay for the service, don't eat out", would equate to "if you don't want to pay the government tax bill, don't live in this nation".  This argument ignores the reality that we don't mind paying for what we get, were simply sick of this tipping structure and mentality.  We don't feel are getting our moneys worth, and we don't like it.

 

The economic arguments against tipping are strong, payroll taxes are not the only taxes evaded when cash tips are not reported by waiters, sales taxes are evaded as well. If the service component is charged separately, through a tip, it does not appear in the bill, and sales tax is evaded. "A mandated switch to a service charge will not only reduce opportunities for discrimination as suggested by Ayres et al., but may also significantly improve tax compliance." ³

 

So, what are solutions?  Let's begin enforcing minimum wage laws, without exceptions for these "special case" scenarios.  What's this $2.15 wage anyway; it’s an amount PERFECT for the government to snatch for covering your presumed tax obligation. (If the government said employers could pay wait staff  NOTHING, then there’d be no cash to grab!)  It's an unacceptable arrangement.  Wait staff must begin receiving real wages. As government institutionalized tipping-dependant structures are disassembled, the rampant escalation of tip greed into every other field would begin to die (either by public resistance or practitioner embarrassment). The mandated service charge needs to appear on our checks.  At that point a tip would be a meaningful and optional expression of true thankfulness.

 

And the rest of the world won’t find our cities so frustrating.

 

Modern folks (or extorting pirates, depending on your point of view) who expect and/or deserve tips in the U.S. -  As collected from several web sites that claim "expertise" (whatever the hell that means) in these refined social etiquettes. These are NOT my suggestions! My feelings are in the parentheses:

 

·                     Maitre'd - go ahead and splurge. (Yes, that's what one site recommends. And sure, why the hell not; We're all just MADE of money, and Maitre'ds add so much to our lives!)

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