I didn't vote.  That is, I "threw away" my vote on a third-party;  Because our vote has to count.  I used my vote to argue that there is a thirst for (and must be) another argument in our "freedom of choice".  I never intend to vote for the "lesser of two evils" again.  That's not choice, that's closer to blackmail.

Look, Obama is a policy nightmare for conservative mentality, but McCain ran a truly crappy campaign.  In the war for branded buzzwords, McCain began to finish every single speech with aggressive pronouncements of "fight, fight, fight".  Fight is a word of struggle;  Compare this to Obama's mantra of "hope and change".  These are words of comfort. So at that level of emotional reverberance, it is "struggle" versus "comfort".  That's a done deal for emotional voters.

But that's just the tip of the crappy iceberg of McCain's campaign.  Personally I rejected his failure to care about illegal immigration, his sorry and pathetic "leadership" with the bailout madness, his rejection of handling issues surrounding the black theology nonsense, and especially his apparent unwillingness to clearly delineate why he makes sense and Obama doesn't; these sorts of issues very much soured my capacity for celebrating his campaign.  I still rooted for the guy, but I didn't feel like voting for him.

On the other hand, the unimpressive senatorial resume of Mr. Obama can easily take a back seat to the significant racial healing of his campaign's success.  I don't feel like voting for this aspect, because it's not really an issue of policy; but I can accept it, and even gladly welcome it.  So, I didn't vote.  And I'm sorry McCain lost, but I'm glad Obama won...

I am currently moving around in Asia.  (I didn't want to be in the US when those promised "McCain wins riots"  broke out, you know). Let me tell you, it's nuts how the world is reacting.  It's nuts.

Of course there is plenty of fantasy, prayer, wishful thinking, hope, and blind trust at work in United States.  In some sense, there has to be.  Furthermore, it is mostly intentional, as a device of campaigning and propaganda.  Additionally, there is desperation, fear, anger; and restitution from a lengthy legacy of inequality for the races.  So on that level alone, Obama had a significant appeal to so many.  So why not, on top of that, add hope or blind trust? Not so bad.

But here in Asia, the ethnic healing is not a real issue.  He's not Asian.  And it isn't even arguably relevant to economics, or foreign-policy, or trade relations, or even US domestic prosperity.  It's simply a domestic racial transition.   

But  I am reading fluffy, mushy love pieces here in Asia that declare the familiar descriptions of fantasy and delusion.  Where does this come from?  Do citizens of other nations really think if they pray for the United States president to be a messiah, that their world will improve?  Will this event move their own government toward domestic flourishing and improve internal human rights policies?  Based on what?  If anything, a prosperous US seems to ultimately generate "appendage"-envy from foreign governments, and radical fanaticism of anti-Western zealots and hard-line sociopaths.

"The new president will create much more space for international cooperation";  Just one of the sentences of many in this vein.  Not "might", but "will".  What is this declaration of fact based on? Obama's Illinois resume? In all likelyhood, the US will no longer participate for some time to come, in the madness that will inevitably flare up in the Middle East, and that is somehow going to play out as a good thing?  That will secure global energy concerns, and consequently market stability?  We'll see, folks.  No one knows, that's for certain!

"Mr. Obama will put more emphasis on Asian policy" another actual declaration of fact about the future; not about possibility, but fact.  Again, based on what?  And furthermore, if there is such emphasis, is it for better or for worse in Asia?  How can Asians possibly know.  Maybe North Korea goes mad, senile and nuclear.  For all  the existing pattern we can analyze, Obama might very well be selling them the weapons.  There is NO precedent at all - who can possibly predict?

My personal prediction; Obama has purchased a disaster.  

First off, there is no longer any room at all for Tim Robbins, Nancy Sheehan, Nancy Pelosi, Moveon.org or any of those types to accuse the right for the evils which plague us.  Everything that isn't fantastic will lie solidly at the feet of the Democrats now.  So the point becomes, are we in store for good times?

Unfortunately, there is still significant global unrest.  There is a great deal of religious conflict, territorial envy, and significant energy struggles with potential future struggles for fundamentals like food and water.  There is global demand and indeed escalating dependency on oil, sourcing from volatile regions.  European and Russian tensions will undoubtedly escalate, with potential to flare up dramatically.  Iran and Israel are still like nitroglycerin.

Immediately, it is a full-blown domestic nightmare.  Band-Aids are being put on terrible behavior and culture, without addressing at all, the infections beneath them.  Personal debt, state-level debt and national debt are soaring beyond ALREADY obscene levels.  Banks are functioning like unstable wolf packs, rather than as civil and long-term business interests.  Failing states and industries are lining up at the Capitol for free money.  Indeed, Washington has just established a surreal pattern of writing reckless checks with more zeros than there were UN resolutions against Sadam Hussein. These checks blindly intend to make the problems and beggars go away (as if they won't be back!)  The illegal immigration is still changing the ethnicity, work environment, relative wage, and predictability and functionality of public budgets.  ("Si Se Puede" actually migrated from its history as the motto of  illegal alien marches to become Obama's "yes we can" victory rally!  This is not a good sign regarding this particular issue.)  And most frighteningly, there is a startling fantasy level of disconnect between what vast social programs cost, how they can be funded, and how necessary they are.  And the American public generally is willing to pretend it isn't so.

Now, I believe many are looking back to the Clinton era and forecasting that a Democrat in the White House is just inherently prone to manifesting a soaring and rosy economy, and likewise general good times.  What absolute nonsense.  Please remember Jimmy Carter.  As for Clinton, he wasn't a brilliant economist; rather, he just happened to be in office when an absolutely enormous, almost limitless and completely brand-new form of super efficient commerce and consumerism appeared. The tools and the technology were themselves a phenomenal industry, even while these same tools created the potential for national and global participation in the biggest known marketplace the world has ever seen.  This technology and Internet boom was the magic carpet which Bill Clinton enjoyed.  What does Obama have?  Is there a brand-new global super marketplace awaiting which we don't foresee?  Perhaps some scientists will invent free energy...(??)...but perhaps such an occurrence would actually destabilize the world to the point where the future is wildly unpredictable.  It might not manifest as a calming thing.

Obama is a healthy transition for America's ethnic journey.  We can all hope he enjoys wisdom, courage and a peaceful run; bringing United States prosperity and calm. But it certainly isn't a given, and perhaps even far-fetched.

Meanwhile, we are all going to be awaiting our health-care; it has been promised.  But this is an absolutely insanely complex entitlement to move quickly on.  Any large-scale changes to this realm will have both positive AND negative impacts, and potential disasters.  Never mind that the money simply hasn't and doesn't exist to pay for it.  Shall we just dump the Social Security program (now in peril) to "secure" our healthcare entitlement promise? 

Will there be a malaise when an enormous disconnect between soaring expectations (as in the well publicized Obama supporter who no longer is going to worry about her mortgage, job or energy bill) and the reality that will become apparent when the glow wears off.

Indeed, the level of global expectation for Obama is our newest bubble.  We have survived the tech, IPO, Stock, housing, and other such bubbles, and now must prepare for the Obama bubble.  Don't get me wrong, I wish him well;  I just don't see where the level of irrational expectation has any chance of fulfillment and consequently is going pay off.

I'm afraid our inability to stop relying on the next BUBBLE is at the heart of our unrelenting instability.

...And God knows why the Asians think it's so great.

First off, it is very high-priced toilet paper! That would be reasonable if it were superior; but it is in fact, very coarse - even rather, well, "scrunchy".

In addition (and worst of all) it WILL clog your drains!

Something very subtle and wonderful has taken place.  And it has come as a surprise.

It is amazing how much most of us are conditioned by a rewards system.  There are few who continue to do labor which bears no fruit, right?  On the other hand, many will repeat disgusting, illegal, or risky behavior, if it actually worked for them on a previous occasion.  No complex thought here.

But in our contemporary culture, there has been so much inversion of ideals of reward for good behavior.  Of course crime can pay;  people can make more money selling ecstasy or crystal meth than selling BMWs, much less selling shoes.  How much money did that prostitute who ruined the career of Elliot Spitzer make in the end?  Quite a lot, and quite quickly.

There is an epidemic of similar inversions.  This is an era of rewards for bad behavior; do something ugly, stupid, grotesque, or immoral - get a TV show, Playboy spread, or book deal. On the other hand, play by the rules and they apparently smell weakness; and arrive quickly to present a whole new volume of ADDITIONAL rules, till eventually you feel you are being crushed under their weight. But don't expect help; few have noticed you exist -- not in this Jerry Springer circus environment. 

I can all but guarantee those hooligan  twits vandalizing St. Paul during the RNC will get laid, by lady friends as wack as they are.  And they'll turn to using that angle again; because it worked. Bad behavior can reap gorgeous rewards; and well-meaning, law-respecting lifestyles can leave one with staggering bills; and a demanding taxman looking for yet more of your money to build bridges to no where.

And we're arrived at politics and politicians.  How many politicians in our lifetime have used ugly means to achieve their personal goals?  The public can be regularly snowballed (look at John Edwards homepage for some ironic rhetoric and moral posturing). Typical political "rewards" would equate to votes.  Votes are typically garnered through an ugly and familiar playbook, composed of strong financial backing, savvy strategic marketing, a ruthless dismantling of your opponents, tapping into fears, saying just what folks want to hear, or making lovely promises of a free lunch. Circular logic, smoke and mirrors, lies and denials, smears and propaganda, outright deceit -- it all works regularly. And it is reasonable to conclude that if politicians employed nefarious tactics once, (or even watched another peer make it work), they will employ what they've learned again in the pursuit of their desires.  How much cynicism is born of the contempt we ultimately feel for these politicians?

Enough bad sentiment; this is a good story.  John McCain is an admittedly imperfect Republican and a man whose long career has found him on the wrong side of his share of issues.  But he is a man who is true to himself, and at this unique point in time, he did something bold which few predicted: he handed a magnificent reward to the relatively unknown Governor of Alaska, Sarah Palin.

Sarah Palin is not here so rewarded because she looks right, smiles right, smells right,  talks right, or even because she is a woman (although all of these are certainly potential assets).  Sarah Palin is here rewarded because she has taken a stance in her administrative career.  It is a stance that makes the cynical voter pause and gaze up from the slouched downcast moping which has been his habit.  "Could this be?  Does she treat her constituency right?"  Now Al Capone treated his constituency right; but to be performing well on the immediate level, while paying respect to a larger picture, a national level of concern at the same time -- this suggests exceptional integrity.

Alternately, Senator Obama has inspired great hope; but the lessons are different. Obama is a man who has received reward for less than exceptional behavior.  In analysis of Obama's career you find a personal political history of strategic behavior; dicey allegiances and alliances.  I doubt he had a choice;  Chicago is a cesspool.  But surely he didn't vote "present" in the Senate 130 times because he's stupid, or incapable of choice;  it is a strategy, at our expense.  "Don't get yourself on the record on that issue, my friend. *wink*..." Maybe I'm wrong.

I argue Obama is not actually getting rewarded for his actions of merit; he is rising beautifully and gracefully, but it is as a result of CONCEPTS of merit.  Even if his concepts are flawless, the "reward lesson" for all of us is, "say the right thing.  Say it well".

But what matters is not these names or personalities, rather the behavioral model being played out. Sarah Palin just received an excellent award for some irregular political behavior that we the people desperately need. Even if you don't like her politics, the manner of her behavior in office can end up benefiting every single one of us. Why, even if our impressions of her unselfish and fiscally responsible acts AREN'T TRUE, she still would be receiving an enormous lesson on what she SHOULD consider successful behavior. Indeed, all politicians on the present scene might reassess their strategies; as this woman is proving a pattern too rarely witnessed in modern government.

She is being rewarded handsomely for being strong, defiant, and principled.  Not clever, or flawlessly strategic, or well-financed by influential friends and backers. It is her unusual bravery and politically risky behavior which brought her soaring wildly into the national spotlight.   This frames the future for a toning down of public cynicism.  She is poised to teach herself, her peers, and us, that the United States is ready to show appreciation, and indeed reward, for good behavior, that we so badly need and so rarely see. She and the nation has been handed the blueprint of a system of extraordinary benefit for extraordinary action.  This blueprint could be used to rehab our capital. Even if she doesn't win office, the case has been made for a functional new paradigm.

Surely the lesson will fade, as surely as it will return again.  But for this moment in time, the recipe is strongly enforced; trickery or deceit is less successful than responsible excellence.

Hollywood is the chain smoker, who has quit and now drinks too much; and preaches ad nauseam about bad oral habits, while simultaneously being a total lush.

How perverse it has become; with the regular ACTOR/GLOBAL-GEOPOLITICAL-SUPERGENIUS appearances, admonishing anyone they don't think is groovy and giving the nation and world TRUE direction of REAL expertise. And the studios and directors; cranking out hyper-moralistically poised fluff-balls, pretending to judge sternly and with great merit the behavior of the world around them. Hollywood's elite are champions and heroes at the pointing out of our bad morality, bad politics, greed, and severe prejudices.

 Now folks, this is NEW Hollywood! Do NOT BEGIN to confuse this new intellectually and spiritually superior Hollywood with the one that gave us...say, reefer madness. A piece of propaganda directly linkable to the outlawing of minor drugs and the creation of laws directed at harassment of lower class minorities. And, no, not the Hollywood that enjoyed years of applied racism in its works, permitting the occasional Negro maid -- and even demanding its own supertalent Lena Horne use the back door. This is not the same Hollywood that painted "injuns" as dogs to be picked off by heroes.

No, this is the NEW Hollywood. It has new concerns:

• The heavy-handed advocacy of "edginess" -- risks, and abuses -- a "destructive nature" has been made cool! REALLY cool!
• The glamorization of drugs. And CASH!! AND SEX!!!!!! AND GUNS!!!!!!!!
• The pounding of its fists with self assured anti-US sentiment. As if anything else is completely out of the question and as such madness. "The only sane conception of politics is a reasonable and intelligent anti-US stance!"
• The dissolution of that tired old "family". Look, Beaver Cleaver and his family were SO overrated. Family is SO overrated! Some progressive exploration of ANY alternative at all, is healthy, cool, hip, and infinitely better. We have to get OVER that dopey stuff.
• The noble rage against business. Because, PLEASE, big businesses are entities that just want to make money and as such are bad! Bad! Bad!... (and "pay no attention to that man behind the curtain"... never mind that Hollywood studios are large business entities, that just want to make money...) (And if you suffer a viewing of the movie "Twister" - I pity you. I would rather be hit by flying debris from the twister than smashed in the face with the ridiculously heavy-handed anti-corporation morality message of the film. Wow, it's JUST AWFUL).
• Making sure the world realizes completely that Government is BAD. Government makes the Middle East HATE us. (In fact, the sin, decadence, violence, and endless perversions propagated and represented by the Hollywood film industry frightens the s**t out of people everywhere!)

Throughout the entire world Hollywood disseminates and aggressively distributes endless streams of gratuitous sex, gratuitous violence, uber-edgy behavior, drug use, and psychopathic insanity. All in the name of entertainment... but in the PURSUIT of extreme greed for wealth. The irony, arrogance, and hypocrisy are stunning.

These negative stereotypes of our population reside in the far corners of the world from their release onward, in a way that is indelible; in a manner an adversarial newspaper headline in Jakarta could never hope to achieve.

Hollywood has endlessly painted the populace and government of the United States as selfish, overindulgent, decadent, cheating, ignorant, sexually obsessed, immoral, criminally bent, and endlessly violent. Is a surprise that somewhere out there someone believes it? But these geo-political authorities in entertainer's clothing know what they're talking about - they know greed and vanity when they see it!!

Who is Hollywood to judge anyone? Anyone at all? Make all the movies you want Hollywood, but keep your political superiority to your d**n selves.

Gosh it's easy to just be a good person and go about your day with a smile, huh? You don't have to be weary, or on-guard, 'cause between our government and our places of commerce, people sure seem to want to treat each other right. Except of course for that giant segment of our nation and the world that will never stop trying to scam you out of anything you own of value that you forget to clutch and hold close.

I guess you probably should be sorta careful. Maybe some folks aren't so good-hearted.

Like...Hey, how bout that happy letter from Nigeria. Most of us have received one; that e-mail or letter explaining how with a little bit of effort someone wants to mail us a hell of a lot of money. Is that....A SCAM??! Seems like they're almost always from Nigeria. Boy, do I have a good impression of Nigeria.

Certainly the most ubiquitous "soft" scam in the United States is FINE PRINT. When the hell in our legal history or legal system did fine print become superior and fully legitimized to supersede large print? This is ridiculous! If you receive a letter from a business saying in enormous print that for $10 they will give you a sandwich, and then in micro print buried on the back it says, "unless we decide not to", or "only between 2:30 a.m. and 2:31 a.m.", or "unless you have a name" -- somehow that seems to be considered functional! In any advertisement or contract this absolutely seems to be perceived as acceptable and routine. Well, it IS routine, but it's a crock! What if you're shopping and you buy a carton of what says in great big bold letters "MILK", and then getting it home you find on the back (in tiny vertical print) it says, "may actually be urine"??? Actually, in the food industry this is somewhat legitimate to sell intentionally mislabeled food. Think for example, "cheese food". In this case, apparently the word "food" is license for meaning "not what it says it is". That's a curious interpretation of the word "food".

I don't even have the courage to try and think of all the places fine print shows up to rob us and mislead us. And let's not kid ourselves, it's meant to mislead us. That's what it's for! Just think about any monetary contract, insurance agreement, etc. The critical fine print will inevitably be ESCAPE clauses to avoid providing you with what you're paying for. SCAM! At least the solution is not that complicated. New legal ruling: really big print takes precedence over really small print in all legal judgments! Because for some reason, it seems to be the other way around right now, and that's just, well...assbackward!!?!!!

Hey, so, what's this new thingy; "Identity theft"? ...WHEN IS THIS FINALLY GOING TO GET TREATED LIKE THE MONSTER IT IS?!! It's by far and away the most dangerous and likely-to-escalate scam of our day. What do we have to do? I would like to ask; if some hacker is going to do go online and steal social security numbers ANYWAY (for the ultimate purpose of identity theft), please at least target the members of our Senate and House of Representatives. I can't help but think, until these very individuals are themselves targeted en masse, that they just aren't going to take the kind of action which we need right away. We have very serious penalties against kidnapping, but what is identity theft except "virtual kidnapping"? A person could EASILY spend the best part of a year or more trying to climb out of the pit created when their identity is stolen and abused. You can't get on planes, you can't get credit, you can't correct your credit, you can't get the collection agencies to leave you alone; and that's just the beginning. Anyone who has suffered serious identity theft issues could surely tell us of MANY less conspicuous but exasperatingly painful results. I just can't figure out why I should have any patience for this kind of significant and brutal theft. As far as I'm concerned, if someone steals your identity, they should be targeted by a task force as serious as any other task force, and when the perpetrator is caught they should have to become your slave for a term determined by the courts - No less than a year! If that sounds like madness, how about we just re-embrace those public stockades in the town square. We can slap these criminals into the stocks for a month and throw tomatoes at them, fart in their face, whatever. Gosh, I guess I don't sound that tolerant. Wait till it happens to you, you'll agree.

Or - just thinking aloud here; How about when someone practices identity theft against you, you get the option of going on a MAD spending spree of your own and then PERMANENTLY DUMPING this identity they wanted so bad on them! No backing out of the arrangement for them! You get a brand new squeaky-clean identity, and they have to carry the baggage of anything you've ever done that was stupid or will be stupid up until that deadline hour. Might actually make it all fun...and profitable!

Luckily for me, I had a very healthy level of paranoia and cynicism before the Internet even became a part of my life. I have yet to fall prey to a significant online scam. But, I just can't imagine how the elderly and the web neophytes can survive in this parasite infested jungle. There are just so many people who couldn't care less how unfortunate the people are they're robbing, they will steal from ANY prey, if they can find a way. God help the elderly who go online!

Phone scams are at least familiar to most, and mostly these are just old-school versions of our online scams. The really mean ones have always been the scum who pose as charities and relief-aid for the sufferers of tragedy. By abusing people's compassion, these maggots make it very hard for legitimate relief to assemble. Some phone scams aren't very easy to spot or deal with; they're buried in the insanity of your billing! Raise your hand folks if you've seen large and mysterious collect calls appearing on your phone bill. Very hard to dispute. And from what I've seen, NEVER call a number with an 809 area code. If it's true what I've read about the cost of such a call, then it's a safe bet some other entities will inevitably initiate some other numbers for such lucrative theft. Be on guard.

The postal system likes to host some fun too; how many of those postcards, notifying you of the winning of an amazing sweepstakes prize, have YOU received? Why are they usually from Florida?!

Three pointers we all should know by now:

• If you're selling something of value, don't ever put up with someone (usually from overseas) who just LOVES the item and wants to send you a check for MORE than the value. Just cut the tie right there, don't bother trying to figure out what the deal is or if maybe it's legit - its not.
• If anyone ever says you've WON something - there should NEVER be any reason you need to send THEM money. OK? No "fees", "administrative costs", "tax costs". Get real, you haven't won anything but the chance to be more cynical (or perhaps forgiving).
• Just don't give out your banking, Social Security, Medicare or credit card information to ANYONE who APPROACHES YOU! (By phone, fax, or email). MAYBE someday there'll be some legitimate situation which you'll complicate your life by not responding. Fine, deal with that SUPER RARE situation then. It'd be worth it.

I'll add a few more scams I see around me. Please help the cause and let me know what I'm leaving out.

• Overly complicated auto insurance options, etc. Designed to try to get you to pay for aspects you simply don't need and will probably never need.
• Wildly contorted and confusing phone plans. Designed (as far as I'm concerned) to camouflage built-in features and optional services which you don't want and never intended to pay for (often added without your knowledge or consent).
• Credit card "extras". Showing up as monthly debits you might not notice, which are to pay for crap you never asked for nor authorized. (Like "credit card protection insurance" and other such useless nonsense which reap significant profits)
• Quack medicine. Preying on the desperate. What can you say? But it's hard; maybe some of it works for somebody. Good luck.
• Medicinal magnets, footpads which detoxify the entire body (how is that even supposed to SOUND legitimate). Hell, I know; some of you think it works for you. Whatever. Power to ya.
• Psychics, fortune tellers, Dionne Warwick and her psychic-hot-line friends. Include with that any 900 number for nonsense. It's pretty much all a collage of scams, if you didn't know it yet. (Again, if you are a BELIEVER, well power to ya; who am I to talk you out of it. - Oh, and I wanted to tell you, you've won a big prize!! Email me and I'll give you the arrangements!)
• Las Vegas. Sometimes called a city, but technically a scam. "Come play our games of chance. Play too well and we'll toss you and ban you. And TIP every living thing that comes within arm's length. That's our custom here. Let's see, the TAX on your hotel room is $35 a night..."
•  Resort Vacation Promotions - (Free or low cost exotic vacation packages) Pretty mixed bag here. Maybe you'll be alright. Have fun.
• Chicago parking restrictions (convoluted and undecipherable, they're revenue generators - pure and simple. Probably true of many/most other cities)

Lastly, I would like to point out something which you might not have perceived as a scam: Holidays. More accurately, holidays and shopping. Holidays are my favorite, and shopping in U.S. rocks! We enjoy good prices when one learns how to shop well, and we have such fantastic choice. But, we endlessly permit ourselves to be swept up in holiday shopping enthusiasm (which has been generated not by Santa clause and a consortium of kindly well-meaning holiday icons in the happy-holiday-Parliament, but by business associations who see big money in our vulnerable enthusiasm). I mean we have birthdays, Christmas, weddings, secretary's day, Valentine's Day... do you really have a choice about those crazy high-priced roses on Valentine's Day? Our credit card debt and shopping tendencies are always painted as some sort of selfish, out-of-control indulgence. But think about it; so much of the shopping we're doing year-round IS FOR SOMEONE ELSE! We're good-natured people; we're generous, we're thoughtful. Perhaps that's our "weakness". I think we need to cut back, to scale back the relationship we've ingrained between dollars spent and "love felt". Most importantly, I just think we need to remember how big a role Christmas and weddings and the like play in our use and abuse of credit cards. At least we deserve some compassion for the root of that debt.

So bust your butt to make an honest buck, save some of what the taxman and banks leave behind, and then sleep with one eye open the rest of your life... Because somebody out there can smell that money just sitting there...

.

I think we have a monetary "Lord of the Flies" scenario in our present banking institutions.  In a fiscal jungle seemingly absent of authority or law, there are a few banking institutions which appear to seek reasonable and ethical working relationships with their customers. But another more energized group has splintered, painted their faces with blood, and are dancing half naked around their fire in a savage, barbaric celebration of their powers in this free-for-all.  And as the author of the classic tale showed us, the "might means right" bad boys are destined to acquire the most valuable commodities, and as such will gain the defecting members of the honest and civil community, until savagery rules. It is a dark scenario.

At its core, Tipping is a long-term, evolving trend; which changes over time, culture, and location.

In the U.S., the trend has grown into a Frankenstein's monster. Worse than the discovery that the monster has the brain of a deranged thief,  we find the monster has escaped and is violently running amuck through our village. This trend of late is the ubiquitous tip sign: EVERYONE wants a tip now!

And now that the desire to receive tips (note that I did not say "earn" tips) has spread to everyone who can imagine the possibility, we approach a state of gratuity anarchy.  And the mentality surrounding tips has evolved; it’s not a sign of appreciation for good or exceptional service, it is an expectation.  Tipping well is something you are all but required to do.  I am even seeing arguments suggesting a standard 15% tip for bad service.  Apparently, recent economic uncertainty and trouble has already affected negatively the habits of tipping.  Probably...but it might also have something to do with the fact that people are getting completely fed up with the never-ending open palm phenomenon.

Culturally we've moved from debating whether tipping is a good idea or not, to the question of is 15% adequate, and should it be perhaps heading towards 25/30%. Why was tipping 10% appropriate at the beginning of the 20th century, but today only 20% is considered a complement? (Since the late 1970s, the going rate has been 15%)  The answer is; when you feed the monster, it continues to grow.

The  base standard of our new cultural etiquette demands:  if I touch something of yours, you should tip me (which I guess translates to: if you don't want me ruining and breaking your stuff, that costs extra.  I get paid for going through the motions, but refraining from ruining your stuff - that cost more). If someone touches your coffee, tip them.  If someone touches your luggage, tip them. If someone touches your food, your clothes, your hair, your skin, your nails, tip them.  If someone touches the door before you can, tip them! Deliver the paper, hand you a beer, write down an order - tip them!  Someone speaks to you?  Smiles?  Tip them!

So, the key, obviously; don't let people touch your things. The moment you own something - don’t let people touch it.  It creates a license for you to owe them money.

Tipping appears to have its origins in 16th-century England, and spread throughout European areas that had a servant class. This is somewhat ironic, as Europe has moved away from tipping and America has embraced it ridiculously. Early U.S. tipping practices were not well-intentioned! "Far from being perceived as a way of increasing the pay of service workers...was frequently seen as an employer strategy for exploiting workers, particularly black workers...When the Pullman porters organized into the Brotherhood of Sleeping Car Porters in 1925, one of the first things they did was to petition the Interstate Commerce Commission for an order prohibiting tips. " ¹¹

And tipping was not particularly welcome here, either; "The New York Times (1899, p. 6) claimed that the tipping practice is a wretched system … every tip saves the payment of wages to an equal amount… This throws a flood of light on the frequent assertions that the abolition of the tipping system is impossible. "¹ "The Washington Post denounced tipping as 'one of the most insidious and one of the most malignant evils' of modern life. Tipping was seen to foster a lord-and-vassal relationship that the prouder professions resisted. Well into the 1910s many bartenders refused gratuities as an insult to their status."²  "Gunton’s Magazine (1896, p. 16-17) called tipping offensively un-American, because it was contrary to the spirit of American life of working for wages rather than fawning for favors. It also stated that tipping did not favor the tip-receivers because their wages were reduced as a result of tipping"¹ And  there existed an Anti-Tipping Society of America, who from 1905 to 1919 succeeded in having the custom abolished in seven states; alas, it did not survive.

So… let's go out to dinner:  Our meal probably begins with some valet parking.  Once you walk-in (if you didn't have to tip some maitre'd handsomely for a table, and if you don't encounter another new trend requiring an entire party to be present before being seated), then you see in your menu the expense of your entrées and your drink, desserts and appetizers perhaps.  If you like wine with your meal, then be glad we're all rich, as the prices certainly have soared. You might notice another new trend which is showing up; a significant split fee.  Isn't that fun?  Add eight dollars to your plate, because you aren't going to eat it the way they want you to.  So, you begin to eat your meal, and taking a pause, you discover that many restaurants today are quite comfortable hustling you along; many hands will attempt to seize your plates if you stop working at them for even a moment  (Another lovely trend, but a bit off point). So then you get your bill, adding of course some delicious taxation.  Now comes your chance to be a good American and support this poor struggling institution of dining.  The modern world and our  nation's economy depend on you doing your part to embellish the wages of those who otherwise simply could not be paid -- and it simply isn't fair to let these wards of the populace do just all right, they must thrive.  And you must make it happen.  So think 20%.

Yes 20%... I know, it used to be 15% (and before that 10%) but this is adjusting for inflation you see.  Never mind that the cost of the meal is already adjusted for inflation, and therefore 15% of the adjusted price actually results in identical relative wage to the earlier eras; it is a matter of treating the nation's waiters in a manner that, well...boosts their self-esteem.  Yes that's your responsibility.

One thing that cracked me up is going on the web forums which you can find about tipping, and reading all the entries from restaurant wait staff moaning about how excruciatingly hard they work.  I can't tell you how many posts I've seen where a restaurant server has declared their job one of the most dangerous, stressful and difficult jobs there is.  That takes quite an imagination.  And don't tell me I don't know, years ago I waited tables in some seven different establishments.  Right, it has tuff moments - Unlike everyone else, who show up for work whenever, then put their feet up on the desk and eat cupcakes for a few hours before going home exhausted from telling jokes all day...It really isn't fair that waiters have to actually work.

Obviously, the job itself should pay a real wage!  Just what does minimum-wage mean anyway, if select service industries can make this peculiar arrangement?

OK, so anyone who wasn't around for the Civil War is probably accustomed to restaurant tipping.  Maybe that's not even the the real problem... maybe the problem is the list of everyone else we must now consider for tips in order to consider ourselves socially just and correct.  At the bottom of my rant is a list of the itchy palmers I can think of;  Please add to it if you notice omissions.

What are the arguments for tipping?

The gold standard of tipping arguments is that it directly relates to the quality of service provided.  No it doesn't.  That's nonsense. I spent the last year in Singapore, where tipping is flat-out discouraged (and you can't imagine how wonderful it is to be relieved of the unrelenting assault on your wallet and your guilt).  The service in Singapore is fundamentally no better nor no worse than in the United States.  Indistinguishable.  People do a good job because it's their job.  They care or they don't; and they lose their job or keep their job accordingly. If employers had to pay real wages would they put up with crappy staff? No, they wouldn't tolerate it. Wait staff would have to perform and keep clientele happy or find the door, just like in most any other employment situation. And restaurants that pride themselves on superior service would have to pay staff better to retain better servers, just like in any other employment situation. In addition, the two significant studies cited elsewhere show little relationship between quality of service and size of tip.  So it becomes increasingly meaningless with regard to expectations of good service.

"The argument that tipping is efficient is based on the assumption that customers tip according to service quality, whereas in reality there is only a weak correlation between service-quality and tip size. By far the most important factor that determines tip size is the size of the bill and there is no reason to think that the size of the bill is correlated with service quality...Moreover, most restaurants practice tip-pooling; that is, tips do not go directly to the staff who provided the service, but instead are aggregated and then distributed to all servers according to some formula. ... Tip-pooling reduces the incentive to provide good service that tipping allegedly provides, because each waiter has an incentive to free ride on the other's efforts by exerting less effort in providing good service as his or her tips will only be marginally affected" ³

And when service charges are included (as with a party of six or more), this logic and argument would suggest a complete collapse in the service you would receive.  Most of us know, that is just not the case.

Analysis has further concluded what is intuitive; that institutionalized tipping caused wages to decline!  (Usually this is an unacceptable trend to most.)  As these wages have become settled at a ridiculous low-end figure, the receivers of these wages complain of their financial disadvantage.  It hardly needs to be pointed out for the millionth time that they could pursue another job.  Of course for some that's a possibility and for some it’s a difficulty.  So moving past that, let me just ask how the struggling individuals expect to live in a society where they themselves will have to grease the palms of everyone else they encounter throughout their day?  Are you making great money or are you going broke, which is it?  If you're broke, then how do you expect to function in a society that expects the generous tip at every encounter?  Live by the sword, die by the sword.

While living in Chicago I did my best for years to tip generously.  I desperately wanted to be a welcome face in the establishments of my neighborhood.  Sadly, after years of eating out in the downtown Chicago scene, I don't know if I ever felt like my earnest attempts at generous tipping was ever remembered or even noticed  (aside from places where I was most definitely a regular).  Once everyone is expected to leave a minimum of 15%+ on every occasion, leaving a nice tip of 18 to 20% does not make you a hero to anyone. You are easily forgotten.  You're just another member of the congregation who relinquished  their tithe to alter of the service providers.  I'm afraid to say, generally you're only going to be remembered if you return with consistent regularity or you leave a bad tip (and no doubt, this will never be forgotten).

There is the argument that people should tip well because this is the way these people make a living.  But this is not a sufficient argument in and of itself; It is an explanation of the mentality, but not a good justification of the practise. What if another individual makes his living by avoiding all unnecessary expenses, like gratuities?  Each individual must take responsibility for finding a job that pays them directly and consistently in a manner they can live with.  It is nobody else's responsibility to compensate for the fuzziness or inadequacies of a contract between employee and employer.

And in this way, tipping can promote an antagonistic relationship  between the customer and the server;  why must the customer provide the restaurant’s employees an incentive to perform? The customer can discover a sense of resentment, being expected to accept the responsibility for paying the wage of someone who simply did their job.  This includes every instance where service was simply functional, lacking any flair or special attention.  It is a nuisance to regularly suffer the game-playing, mathematical test, and guilt resolution as an end to every meal.

And tipping is a very clumsy to comment on the overall dining experience; as this built-in method of evaluation ultimately affects only the server.  But what if the atmosphere and the food sucked?  You don't get to express your dissatisfaction with your tip!  And how are we supposed to reward good, exceptional, service if everyone is given a tip at every interaction? Then it’s not a reward, but an expectation; and thus there is no significant positive reinforcement when someone does something really special. Tips are not supposed to be an entitlement, they are supposed to be a gratuity. By virtue of the fact that is absolutely expected, it becomes essentially a publicly mandated subsidy, primarily benefiting the business owner at the expense of their employees.  And the employees will further lose less conspicuous benefits which ordinarily accompany a job in the US; Social Security benefits properly correlating to the actual time invested in your job, health care benefits, vacation days, etc..

Tipping researchers "Ayres et al. and Michael Lynn...showed that tipping may facilitate prejudice... tipping facilitates significant tax evasion. " ³

"The bottom line is if you don't want to pay a gratuity for a service performed for you, don't use the service. " Is an actual quote from louseytipper.com. It is ironic, as this same individual was complaining that the government is grabbing 8% of wage. The IRS is grabbing twice that from rest of us.  This hypocritical argument "if you don't want to pay for the service, don't eat out", would equate to "if you don't want to pay the government tax bill, don't live in this nation".  This argument ignores the reality that we don't mind paying for what we get, were simply sick of this tipping structure and mentality.  We don't feel are getting our moneys worth, and we don't like it.

The economic arguments against tipping are strong, payroll taxes are not the only taxes evaded when cash tips are not reported by waiters, sales taxes are evaded as well. If the service component is charged separately, through a tip, it does not appear in the bill, and sales tax is evaded. "A mandated switch to a service charge will not only reduce opportunities for discrimination as suggested by Ayres et al., but may also significantly improve tax compliance." ³

So, what are solutions?  Let's begin enforcing minimum wage laws, without exceptions for these "special case" scenarios.  What's this $2.15 wage anyway; it’s an amount PERFECT for the government to snatch for covering your presumed tax obligation. (If the government said employers could pay wait staff  NOTHING, then there’d be no cash to grab!)  It's an unacceptable arrangement.  Wait staff must begin receiving real wages. As government institutionalized tipping-dependant structures are disassembled, the rampant escalation of tip greed into every other field would begin to die (either by public resistance or practitioner embarrassment). The mandated service charge needs to appear on our checks.  At that point a tip would be a meaningful and optional expression of true thankfulness.

And the rest of the world won’t find our cities so frustrating.

Modern folks (or extorting pirates, depending on your point of view) who expect and/or deserve tips in the U.S. -  As collected from several web sites that claim "expertise" (whatever the hell that means) in these refined social etiquettes. These are NOT my suggestions! My feelings are in the parentheses:

·                     Maitre'd - go ahead and splurge. (Yes, that's what one site recommends. And sure, why the hell not; We're all just MADE of money, and Maitre'ds add so much to our lives!)

·                     Headwaiter/captain: May get a cut of table server's tip; so tip your server extra to reward captain, or tip captain separately (Even MORE surcharge at the restaurant!)

·                     Bartenders: $1 for beer or wine, $2 for mixed drink, or 10-20% of bar bill

·                     Sommelier or wine steward: 15% of cost of the bottle

·                     Coatroom attendant: $1 - 2 per coat

·                     Washroom attendant: 50¢ -  $1

·                     Buffet Waiter staff: 5% - 10%  At least $1 per head if you get your own beverages. If you order beverages from the server, then you should tip 10-20% (20%!  Thanks for the drink!)

·                     Carryout /Take-out counter: $1 -  $2, 5-10% percent if they show you the food and offer complimentary items.

·                     Food delivery person: $2 minimum. 10%-20%

·                     Pizza Delivery $2 - 5 or 15% to 20%, whichever is greater

·                     Coffee/food retailers w/ tip jars: Tip is optional.

·                     Catering Server: $20 /server. 

·                     Bellhops - $2 minimum  $1+ per bag  $10 for bringing you to your room with luggage; $5 dollars for opening and showing the room .

·                     Bellman (As offered by some D. Moritz ) "If you carry your own bags when you stay at a hotel, you are a loser. You should tip your Bellman EVERY TIME he touches your bags. $5 MINIMUM - $20" (Bite me Mr. Moritz)

·                     Hotel housekeeper/Maid service - $2 - 10 per night. 

·                     Concierge - $5 - $10 . If the concierge suggested and made reservations for you then $20 - $25.

·                     Doorman - $1 / bag or $2 for hailing a cab,  $1 per person

·                     Room Service: 15% - 20%

·                     desk clerk: special services given  - $5

·                     Pool Attendant $1 - $2 for each service -towels or lounge chairs

·                     Valet Attendant: $2 - $5 for each trip to car, more dependant on weather or location

·                     Limousine driver: 20%

·                     Motor Coach Tours  : $1 - $2 /person /day.

·                     Tour Guide / Bus Driver Day Trips Only  $10-15% of the tour cost , $1 to $2 /person /day.

·                     Cruise Ship cabin steward: $3 - $3.50 /day per person

·                     Cruise waiter: $3.00 /day per person

·                     Cruise bus boy: $1.50 /day per person

·                     Cruise cabin boy, bath steward:  5% -8% of total fare divided among them,

·                     Cruise bar steward, wine steward:  15% tip added to bill automatically

·                     Chartered Flights Pilots:  $50-$100+/pilot. Ground Crew extra

·                     Skycap at airport: $1+ / bag curbside; $2 / bag if skycap takes bags to check-in counter.

·                     Electric Cart Transport: $1 - $2

·                     Train Sleeping Car Attendant $3 - $5 / passenger / day

·                     Courtesy Shuttle Driver :  $1 - $2 / person, or $4 - $5 per party

·                     Taxi drivers: 15%-20; an extra $1 to $2 for help with bags

·                     Parking attendant: $1 - $2. If attendant helps with luggage/packages $5 is customary

·                     Gas station attendant: $1 - $2 for pumping gas, $5 for pumping gas and checking fluids

·                     Tow truck operator: locked out of car $5 to $10. Jump Start / Tire Change $3 - $5 , Tow $5 - $20

·                     Mechanic - $10 - 20+ for jobs over $500. , $50 for jobs above $500

·                     Barber/Hairstylist: 10-20%, . "If you do not get your hair cut often, then $5" (Why? Because you owe them a living?)

·                     shampoos personnel: $1 - $5

·                     Manicurist 15%

·                     Spa service 15-20%

·                     Masseuse 10-20% for a one-hour massage (note the tendency to claim your medical benefits and their medical professionalism, yet exercise the extremely unprofessional medical practice of accepting tips)

·                     nutritionist: see above

·                     alternative medical practitioner: see above

·                     Movers: $10-$25 / person. One Person Job $20 - $50

·                     Furniture deliverer: $5-$20. /person 

·                     Building superintendent: Varies

·                     Handyman: Tip is optional.

·                     Contractor Foreman: $50

·                     contractor labor: $30 /worker

·                     dry cleaner:

·                     Lifeguards

·                     ski/snowboard instructors 15-20% . minimum $5 per student

·                     Grocery store bagger: $1 - 3.

·                     butcher

·                     Flower delivery: $2 - 10

·                     Shoe-shiner $2 - 3

·                     Showroom Maitre d': $1 - $2 for preassigned seats. For unassigned seating, you may tip according to where you want to sit. Usually a tip over $50 will guarantee your seat. (I should freakin hope so!)

·                     Sports arena usher: 50¢ - $1 per party if shown to your seats

·                     Clown at children's party: $15 - 25

·                     Dog groomer: 15 %, $2 / dog minimum

·                     Disc Jockey: $1/song.  $5 - 10 for immediate service.

·                     Exotic Club Dancer: sit at the stage minimum $3/song/person.

·                     Tattoo Artist $10-$15 minimum for a $150 tattoo. $20-$50 minimum for a $200 or above tattoo

·                     Casino Blackjack Dealer: $5+ per session. Also it is common to place a bet beside yours for the dealer. (WHY?!)

·                     Craps Dealer: place as much as 10% beside your bet

·                     Drink Waiters: $1+/drink

·                     Keno Writer/Runners: $1 when they first run your ticket, more if you play a lot.

·                     Poker Dealers: $5/session, win or lose. Winners should tip at least $10 (But don't subtract that from the IRS totals folks - they consider it YOUR money)

·                     Roulette Dealers: $5+/session

·                     Slot Attendants: $1 - $2 when they repair your machine, fill it with coin, etc. (Even though that really isn't personal service, now is it?)

·                     Slot Machine Changer: $1+/change served, 10% on a jackpot

·                     Casino security Officers: allowed to accept tips and do greatly appreciate them... (Um, why wouldn't they. I can think of reasons why they SHOULDN'T accept tips)

·                     Casino Cashier: 5% of your cash out if you have a big win. (Guess after all the tips it won't be as big as you thought!)

·                     --- just a question: do the casino staff feel any urges to tip ME if I LOOSE? --- Remember the era when going to Vegas was supposed to be cheap? SOOOOO over.

·                     Weddings: Gratuities are almost always added into the final bill, (but is it then proper to tip the servers? Guess what they suggest) customary addition amount would be up to 15%. This would also include catering managers, hotel banquet managers, waiters, waitresses, bartenders and bridal consultants.

·                     wedding Coat Room Attendants: 50¢/guest.

·                     wedding Florists, Photographers, Bakers, Musicians: only for extra special services, up to 15%. (Why, what'd they do wrong?)

·                     wedding Civil Ceremony Officials: you may find a "suggested" donation . average gratuity $50 - $75. additional for travel.

·                     wedding Clergymen, Rabbis, Priests: $75+ donation is considered proper

·                     wedding Organist: $35 - $50 for each person if not included.

·                     wedding DJ: $25 - $100

.

SPECIAL CONSIDERATIONS!!!! Holiday Tipping!!!!

·                     Newspaper delivery or garbage collectors : $15 to $25

·                     Dog walkers, nannies, or cleaning services: one week's pay +

·                     Manicurists: $10 to $50

·                     Hairdressers: $25 to $100

·                     Apartment Building Staff

·                     Custodian $20 - $30

·                     Cleaning Person - $75

·                     Doormen $25 - $100 each.

·                     Gardener/Yard Worker - $50

·                     Handymen $20 - $30 each

·                     Superintendent $30 - $100

·                     Health Club or Spa / Locker Room Attendant(s) $5 - $10

·                     Trainer(s) $50

·                     Baby Sitter two nights pay or more, maybe a gift as well

·                     Full-time Nanny - $270

·                     Beauty Salon : cost of a regular session plus a gift. No less than $5 per staffer.

·                     Day Care Service $15 - $25 and a gift

·                     Garbage Collector(s) $15 - $20 each

·                     Mail Carrier - The USPS asks that gratuities have a cash value no more than $20 and a letter of appreciation to the supervisor.

·                     Newspaper Delivery Person  Daily delivery $15 - $25

·                     Parking Attendant(s) $10 to $20+ dollars each

Who gets left out  (and some for GOOD reasons - but it just starts to seem like discrimination, doesn't it?)

·                     Receptionists

·                     Tech support/customer service (pop them $20-40 thru paypal?)

·                     airline in-flight personnel

·                     fast food service ("service" being the phenomenally operate word of the debate, right?)

·                     Bus drivers

·                     Theater ushers

·                     Cinema ticket takers/snack counters personnel

·                     Museum guides

·                     Salespeople in general

·                     bank service personnel

·                     loan application personnel

·                     tax preparers

·                     financial advisors

·                     lawyer

·                     Internet installer

·                     blockbuster floor help (helps you find Shrek 3, hand over $2)

·                     police officers

·                     Doctors

·                     Nurses

·                     government workers (generally illegal and considered a bribe)

Argentina - Tipping officially illegal, but waiters expect a small tip

England - 10% if no service charge

France - Up to 10%

Japan - Tips are viewed as insulting

New Zealand - None

South Africa - 10% if no service charge

Thailand - None

1)  "The history of tipping—from sixteenth-century England to United States in the 1910s", Ofer H. Azar

2) "The history of Tipping", Eric Felten

3)  "THE CASE AGAINST TIPPING", Feb-06 Yoram Margalioth

11) "To insure prejudice: racial disparities in taxicab tipping", 01-MAY-05, Ayres, Ian ; Vars, Fredrick E. ; Zakariya, Nasser

©2008 king david caul